In the course of looking for something last night, I found myself rummaging around in some old pictures on my hard drive. There I came across a picture. It was not an unusual picture per se, it was a screen capture of a former internet friend of mine. I had kept it at the time for an amazing similarity to someone I knew. What struck me as unusual last night when I looked it was that I suddenly realized that it bore an amazing resemblance to several OTHER someone’s I know. That thought combined with a thought that had already been niggling around the edges of my mind really yanked up a whole lot of paranoia. Not sure if this has EVER happened to me to this degree before so I am just going to toss it out there and see what it does.
One thing we all mention from time to time is that how it seems that because you have more people with whom to associate, you seem to pick up more compatible/similar people here on the net than you do in real life. We don’t all live in huge cities with millions of potential friends to choose from but here on the net we virtually do. I myself have a lot of very good friends here who share a lot of similarities to me as well as a lot of compatible differences. These friends are spread out across a variety of platforms (blogs here and there, social sites, and the like) so this will be posted in several of those places as well and I won’t be mentioning any specifics here.
One friend in particular has become quite disturbing. Not in any overt way but in a rather subtle makes you go hmmmm kind of way. It had been in the back of my mind lately how very odd certain things were. Most specifically that at any one point, a story that I had blogged or written about somewhere publicly was noticeably similar to a story coming from that friend as something happening in their now. The story was not verbatim of my experience but rather a retelling of it in someone else’s words. At first it was more of a “wow small world, aren’t we similar, I felt that way too thing but then over time it began to seem to be a bit TOO much coincidence. Then it began to be a whole lot too much coincidence.
This was not the first time something similar had happened. I have in the past, stopped associating with someone who took my words and used them verbatim as their own, I have stopped associating with people who seemed to want to become me, and others who simply gave me the willies. One such person had profoundly spooked me at one point by casually mentioning something near my house that I had never mentioned at a time that I knew I had never given away where I lived. I shut down most of pages and went friends only after that one for quite some time.
It is only in recent times that I have become more open with things about my home but only on the sites where I was still friends only. That set of former issues has been in my mind lately because I happened across an old blog of a friend of mine where someone had been posing as someone else. I had been mulling around the possibility that this particular friend of mine was not as they seemed but was rather a clever imposter. It was nothing specific rather just a feeling.
That is until last night. I ran across that picture that had borne an uncanny resemblance to an old friend of mine and noticed that it not only bore an uncanny resemblance to a current friend of mine but could in the right light be ME. It was a very surreal moment. Why? Because in all cases the resemblance tied in with one of the afore mentioned former friends. The plagiarizer, the wannabe, and the willies-giver ALL looked like that picture and that picture also looked like it could be ME. The friend who was supposed to be in the picture had disappeared from my page at one point when I mentioned a stalker. I was NOT referring to that friend (it was not an internet person at all but someone IRL) but the timing looking back NOW is sure suspicious. That friend sure seemed to know an awful lot about me, where I lived, and showed some amazing insight into what was going on IRL. I also recognize that the person who was in fact stalking me ALSO bears a resemblance to that picture (and to me) and has MORE than once expressed a desire to “have my life”.
I have been doing a lot of thinking on this issue recently and am not really sure where to go with it from here but it sure has me wondering how many people out there are not who they seem to be. While I accept that we ALL filter our lives to a large extent here, I am thinking more along the lines of are totally and completely NOT who they say they are. You hear stories about men pretending to be women, women pretending to be men, children pretending to be adults, adults pretending to be children, and all sorts of combinations I guess I just never considered the possibility that they were in MY life.
Interesting concept and one I hadn’t really thought too much about before. Now it does make me question my innate gullibility of taking everyone at face value until proven otherwise. I doubt this will really change anything about how I interact with others because I can’t see myself being that way but it will most likely make me quicker to question the odd faster in the future.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Wild hair on Wednesday July 18,2007
honestly have to say, I can’t think of one single dang thing to write about today. My mind is jumping all over like a needle across a scratchy old LP. I am trying to just sit and type and hope something coherent comes out. Most likely not but maybe I will hit something if I just start blabbing about what is on my mind because I really need to get some of it off my mind.
Some of the material that is on my mind, makes me feel the need to use the little disclaimer thingy….
I am going to hedge my bets here and rather than field comments later here comes the disclaimer.
1) I am talking about myself and MY OWN opinions here. I am not even remotely suggesting that I feel the same about anyone else nor that anyone else should feel the same.
2) This blog might contain “language”
3) This blog might be viewed as offensive or poking fun at handicaps or disease…see #1.
4) Some of you may have heard some of this before. For you I say, thanks for the practice reminding myself and allowing me to vent or describe to you.
5) Please no one freak if this is the first you have seen these sorts of comments from me.
Death and dying: It happens, in fact it seems to be all around me these days. I find it amazing that people seem to have very weird and diverse thoughts on the subject. I actually saw one today where the response to “my dad died” was… “oh, such a bummer” and another elsewhere was “Death is tragic and so sad!”. I find it amazing many times that people preface a condolence with a religious type comment and then go on and on about how sorry that they are that the person died. Maybe it is my own personal weirdness but I find that confusing. If you are a religious person (and some who aren’t) don’t you believe in an afterlife? If you believe in an afterlife of any kind, isn’t it a good thing that some one “moved on to their reward”? I honestly believe that the only sadness to be associated with death is for the ones who are left behind. They are the ones who suffered and lost after all. The should be no sadness in death only loss to this mortal plane. The definition of the “afterlife” and stuff should be left for another day cause I am rather pissy about it today.
.
.
TV and Radio: What ever happened to quality TV programming? I miss all those old shows (Schoolhouse Rock, electric company… anyone?). I seldom find anything these days that makes it worth even turning on the TV. People get cranky when I say that. That’s right, I don’t watch TV, it is not anything other than lack of interest in what is on, nothing more, no message. Along these same lines I love music and yet hardly ever turn on the radio. Why? The commercials and the format drive me insane. Why do I need to listen to four thousand commercials for every ONE song? For that matter, why do I need to listen to some YAAWHo blabber on endlessly about crap in between the songs? And with all the tons of fantastic music out there WHY OH WHY do you only play the SAME thirty some songs OVER AND FREAKING OVER….. Here is what I want out of a station. Pick a genre, put every song in that genre on random play, and let ‘er rip. If you HAVE to talk, when the song is over, tell me who it was, the title and if you really have to still say something give me some thing about the song….then shut up and play the next one. Keep your dumb commercials to yourself…. I would listen to a station like that… Oh wait. I already do. Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE Sirius radio? Yeah, I do, almost as much as I love my CD changer.
.
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Dogs and pets: They are annoying, they sure can rack up the vet bills, they are like perma-children, and they sure can destroy a home…but they also sure are great. They are always happy to see you, even though you can’t always tell with some cats, they listen without ever arguing or complaining, they really don’t care what you look like, and they love you unconditionally.
.
.
Flirting: I have seen this subject around a bunch lately too. From my perspective there have been two common themes about it. One is the theme of “shame shame you shouldn’t be doing that.” And the other is the theme of “oh sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”. The first theme of shame shame; whats up with that? When did flirting become naughty or shameful? Flirting is a fun banter of a slightly “sexual” nature. AND????? It does not mean that you are going to run off and actually HAVE sex with the person. Sheesh. I flirt with quite a few people and some are married, some are single, some are male, some are female, some are older, and some are younger. It does not mean that I have any interest in these folks other than fun banter. Those of you who were yelling shame, just have dirty minds or something. Flirting does not equal sex. Flirting does not equal INTENT. Flirting is words, nothing more and nothing less. Get over it there is nothing wrong with flirting without intent. Now, to those who feel the need to apologize for flirting…. Why? Are there people who actually get upset if you flirt with them? If so I am in trouble. I flirt with pretty much anyone, randomly, and without asking… oops. I flirt with a lot of folks and I further confess that I have no interest in “sexual relations” with most of them (sad I know, stop crying). Some folks are just good flirters. Some flirters are kind of low key about it and some are downright blushy about it. I am not very good at it sometimes, but I try. Some folks just make it easier to flirt with them or bring that out better than others. Flirting is fun if it is kept CLEAN. Flirting is NOT fun when it becomes pornographic so please don’t send me pictures of naked bits, please don’t tell me in graphic details what you wish to do, and for goodness sakes, keep your clothes on. Other than that, please feel free to flirt. If I think it is a problem I will let you know, until then, don’t apologize for it and please don’t tell me how “wrong” it is.
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Truth: why is it that people will ask you something and NOT want to hear the answer? Or worse yet those people who INSIST that you be “brutally honest” with them and then get angry when you are? Why ask a question at all if you don’t want to know the answer? Why not simply say, “hey lie to me and tell me this looks great on me!” Or “Pretend I just asked you how your day was and pretend I listened intently.” “feeling down today, blow air up my skirt and tell me how fantastic I am..” I mean seriously. I would much rather someone simply be honest with me. I might not LIKE the answer but I want to know the truth. I have certain friends who I won’t go shopping with no matter how many times they ask, beg, or plead. Why? Besides the fact I HATE shopping, I hate going shopping with people who insist on dragging over to the fitting room while they try on stuff and ask your opinion. Then when you reply “yes honey it is a great dress but it doesn’t work so well on your body style” they blow a gasket. I’m sorry I missed the class in “girl school” where you are supposed to let your friend walk around looking like an idiot rather than politely say… “not for you dear.” More than that, I really hate when people will tell you ANYTHING looks great on you. Don’t laugh, I have tested this theory with some SERIOUSLY out there weird stuff and there are certain people who if they go shopping with me, I completely ignore their advice. The same holds for serious stuff too not just the fluff. Ever try to tell a friend that their significant other has a “bad habit”? Regardless of how bad the habit is, they get mad at who? Yeah, you. Still battling this with several family members DESPITE the fact that they have since told others “yeah, she was right” and I have NEVER EVER gone up to anyone and gone “told you so…”. Truth is truth. And once said, it is never grounds for gloating, nor is it something you should take lightly, nor is it anything that should ever be used against someone. Truth is not always nice but it should be treated nicely. You don’t have to be mean to be honest. Likewise you don’t always have to blurt the truth every second either sometimes the best answer is still to simply shut your mouth.
.
.
Religion: Ok so I said I wasn’t going here, but I am anyway… I want someone to quote me CHAPTER and VERSE of where exactly it says in the bible (a REAL one, not necessarily a Christian one but ANY real one as opposed to a “modified one”) that if you do not follow a SPECIFIC RELIGION you are not going to heaven. I have read a lot of different bibles in my time. I went to parochial schools so I read in entirety both the King James and the New Revised Standard version. I also read parts of the “translated” Torah, I have read the catholic version, the Living Bible, as well as the Vedas. I have read bits of the religious texts of almost all the eastern religions. Religion and the understanding of the similarities and differences is a HUGE deal in my family. It has been for generations so I have a fair understanding of lots of them. The one thing I have NEVER seen in these texts is any sort of note that says, if your practice these beliefs in a different manner you are more (or less) holy and therefore will (or will not) go on to the afterlife. It simply IS not there. All these religious books have ONE very clear point: The NATURE of GOD and how you should and should not act. There is nothing in them that outlines all the rites and other things that make up organized religions. Those things are all WAYS of worship that were devised by MAN. That is not to say that they are right or wrong just that they are NOT the will of god. I want to point out as well that ALL these books also have something else in common, they are all the retelling of things by MAN. They may have had divine inspiration but none of these works was penned by God himself. To those “Christians” who believe that ANY non-Christian will not go to heaven, I would like to remind you…Jesus was a Jew, how do you explain that he sits on the “right hand of God” if non-Christians don’t go to heaven? Is it really so difficult to see that all religions are essentially the same? The rites and traditions vary as does the terminology to describe things but underneath it all they are ALL about the same thing, faith in a single higher ultimate power.
.
.
Alcoholic Drinks:…. Perhaps I will have one tonight…. I have a top five list of drinks and it includes Margaritas, Daiquiris, Gin and Tonic, SoCo (or B&B depending on the season), and Gin Maritinis (sad that you have to add the “gin” these days). I love margaritas….on the rocks, light salt please…. I never used to order my margarita with light salt. I like the salt but not a lot of it in my drink even though my doctor tells me to eat more salt. Funny thing is that one of the FEW ways my dad and I are different is this one. He LOVES salt on his and can never seem to get enough to last the drink so he has a funny habit of reaching over and stealing a lick off my glass then drinking his own. It works for both of us. If he is not around I have to remember to ask for light salt or wipe it off. I also love daiquiris. They are yummy in all their wonderful flavors. I was quite sad to find this weekend that the ONLY good daiquiri shop around here is no longer owned by the NOLA institution of the Giacomo family. It is now owned by someone else and the daiquiri machines that used to line the walls are gone. In fact, they don’t even sell them anymore. I was sad. It had become just another yuppy bar. Maybe someday I will buy a bar and have my own herd of daiquiri machines along with all the old traditional drinks that are getting more difficult to order these days. They are actually advertising “classic” bars as a selling point so you can walk in off the street and not have to explain how to make a gin and tonic to the bartender. No offense to bar tenders, when all you get asked for is kiddie cocktails, that is what you are going to know how to make best.
.
.
Ok, Now I really NEED that drink because it makes all the rest of this stuff easier to deal with…or at least you feel that way…. (kidding, sheesh, call off the intervention)….
Some of the material that is on my mind, makes me feel the need to use the little disclaimer thingy….
I am going to hedge my bets here and rather than field comments later here comes the disclaimer.
1) I am talking about myself and MY OWN opinions here. I am not even remotely suggesting that I feel the same about anyone else nor that anyone else should feel the same.
2) This blog might contain “language”
3) This blog might be viewed as offensive or poking fun at handicaps or disease…see #1.
4) Some of you may have heard some of this before. For you I say, thanks for the practice reminding myself and allowing me to vent or describe to you.
5) Please no one freak if this is the first you have seen these sorts of comments from me.
Death and dying: It happens, in fact it seems to be all around me these days. I find it amazing that people seem to have very weird and diverse thoughts on the subject. I actually saw one today where the response to “my dad died” was… “oh, such a bummer” and another elsewhere was “Death is tragic and so sad!”. I find it amazing many times that people preface a condolence with a religious type comment and then go on and on about how sorry that they are that the person died. Maybe it is my own personal weirdness but I find that confusing. If you are a religious person (and some who aren’t) don’t you believe in an afterlife? If you believe in an afterlife of any kind, isn’t it a good thing that some one “moved on to their reward”? I honestly believe that the only sadness to be associated with death is for the ones who are left behind. They are the ones who suffered and lost after all. The should be no sadness in death only loss to this mortal plane. The definition of the “afterlife” and stuff should be left for another day cause I am rather pissy about it today.
.
.
TV and Radio: What ever happened to quality TV programming? I miss all those old shows (Schoolhouse Rock, electric company… anyone?). I seldom find anything these days that makes it worth even turning on the TV. People get cranky when I say that. That’s right, I don’t watch TV, it is not anything other than lack of interest in what is on, nothing more, no message. Along these same lines I love music and yet hardly ever turn on the radio. Why? The commercials and the format drive me insane. Why do I need to listen to four thousand commercials for every ONE song? For that matter, why do I need to listen to some YAAWHo blabber on endlessly about crap in between the songs? And with all the tons of fantastic music out there WHY OH WHY do you only play the SAME thirty some songs OVER AND FREAKING OVER….. Here is what I want out of a station. Pick a genre, put every song in that genre on random play, and let ‘er rip. If you HAVE to talk, when the song is over, tell me who it was, the title and if you really have to still say something give me some thing about the song….then shut up and play the next one. Keep your dumb commercials to yourself…. I would listen to a station like that… Oh wait. I already do. Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE Sirius radio? Yeah, I do, almost as much as I love my CD changer.
.
.
Dogs and pets: They are annoying, they sure can rack up the vet bills, they are like perma-children, and they sure can destroy a home…but they also sure are great. They are always happy to see you, even though you can’t always tell with some cats, they listen without ever arguing or complaining, they really don’t care what you look like, and they love you unconditionally.
.
.
Flirting: I have seen this subject around a bunch lately too. From my perspective there have been two common themes about it. One is the theme of “shame shame you shouldn’t be doing that.” And the other is the theme of “oh sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”. The first theme of shame shame; whats up with that? When did flirting become naughty or shameful? Flirting is a fun banter of a slightly “sexual” nature. AND????? It does not mean that you are going to run off and actually HAVE sex with the person. Sheesh. I flirt with quite a few people and some are married, some are single, some are male, some are female, some are older, and some are younger. It does not mean that I have any interest in these folks other than fun banter. Those of you who were yelling shame, just have dirty minds or something. Flirting does not equal sex. Flirting does not equal INTENT. Flirting is words, nothing more and nothing less. Get over it there is nothing wrong with flirting without intent. Now, to those who feel the need to apologize for flirting…. Why? Are there people who actually get upset if you flirt with them? If so I am in trouble. I flirt with pretty much anyone, randomly, and without asking… oops. I flirt with a lot of folks and I further confess that I have no interest in “sexual relations” with most of them (sad I know, stop crying). Some folks are just good flirters. Some flirters are kind of low key about it and some are downright blushy about it. I am not very good at it sometimes, but I try. Some folks just make it easier to flirt with them or bring that out better than others. Flirting is fun if it is kept CLEAN. Flirting is NOT fun when it becomes pornographic so please don’t send me pictures of naked bits, please don’t tell me in graphic details what you wish to do, and for goodness sakes, keep your clothes on. Other than that, please feel free to flirt. If I think it is a problem I will let you know, until then, don’t apologize for it and please don’t tell me how “wrong” it is.
.
.
Truth: why is it that people will ask you something and NOT want to hear the answer? Or worse yet those people who INSIST that you be “brutally honest” with them and then get angry when you are? Why ask a question at all if you don’t want to know the answer? Why not simply say, “hey lie to me and tell me this looks great on me!” Or “Pretend I just asked you how your day was and pretend I listened intently.” “feeling down today, blow air up my skirt and tell me how fantastic I am..” I mean seriously. I would much rather someone simply be honest with me. I might not LIKE the answer but I want to know the truth. I have certain friends who I won’t go shopping with no matter how many times they ask, beg, or plead. Why? Besides the fact I HATE shopping, I hate going shopping with people who insist on dragging over to the fitting room while they try on stuff and ask your opinion. Then when you reply “yes honey it is a great dress but it doesn’t work so well on your body style” they blow a gasket. I’m sorry I missed the class in “girl school” where you are supposed to let your friend walk around looking like an idiot rather than politely say… “not for you dear.” More than that, I really hate when people will tell you ANYTHING looks great on you. Don’t laugh, I have tested this theory with some SERIOUSLY out there weird stuff and there are certain people who if they go shopping with me, I completely ignore their advice. The same holds for serious stuff too not just the fluff. Ever try to tell a friend that their significant other has a “bad habit”? Regardless of how bad the habit is, they get mad at who? Yeah, you. Still battling this with several family members DESPITE the fact that they have since told others “yeah, she was right” and I have NEVER EVER gone up to anyone and gone “told you so…”. Truth is truth. And once said, it is never grounds for gloating, nor is it something you should take lightly, nor is it anything that should ever be used against someone. Truth is not always nice but it should be treated nicely. You don’t have to be mean to be honest. Likewise you don’t always have to blurt the truth every second either sometimes the best answer is still to simply shut your mouth.
.
.
Religion: Ok so I said I wasn’t going here, but I am anyway… I want someone to quote me CHAPTER and VERSE of where exactly it says in the bible (a REAL one, not necessarily a Christian one but ANY real one as opposed to a “modified one”) that if you do not follow a SPECIFIC RELIGION you are not going to heaven. I have read a lot of different bibles in my time. I went to parochial schools so I read in entirety both the King James and the New Revised Standard version. I also read parts of the “translated” Torah, I have read the catholic version, the Living Bible, as well as the Vedas. I have read bits of the religious texts of almost all the eastern religions. Religion and the understanding of the similarities and differences is a HUGE deal in my family. It has been for generations so I have a fair understanding of lots of them. The one thing I have NEVER seen in these texts is any sort of note that says, if your practice these beliefs in a different manner you are more (or less) holy and therefore will (or will not) go on to the afterlife. It simply IS not there. All these religious books have ONE very clear point: The NATURE of GOD and how you should and should not act. There is nothing in them that outlines all the rites and other things that make up organized religions. Those things are all WAYS of worship that were devised by MAN. That is not to say that they are right or wrong just that they are NOT the will of god. I want to point out as well that ALL these books also have something else in common, they are all the retelling of things by MAN. They may have had divine inspiration but none of these works was penned by God himself. To those “Christians” who believe that ANY non-Christian will not go to heaven, I would like to remind you…Jesus was a Jew, how do you explain that he sits on the “right hand of God” if non-Christians don’t go to heaven? Is it really so difficult to see that all religions are essentially the same? The rites and traditions vary as does the terminology to describe things but underneath it all they are ALL about the same thing, faith in a single higher ultimate power.
.
.
Alcoholic Drinks:…. Perhaps I will have one tonight…. I have a top five list of drinks and it includes Margaritas, Daiquiris, Gin and Tonic, SoCo (or B&B depending on the season), and Gin Maritinis (sad that you have to add the “gin” these days). I love margaritas….on the rocks, light salt please…. I never used to order my margarita with light salt. I like the salt but not a lot of it in my drink even though my doctor tells me to eat more salt. Funny thing is that one of the FEW ways my dad and I are different is this one. He LOVES salt on his and can never seem to get enough to last the drink so he has a funny habit of reaching over and stealing a lick off my glass then drinking his own. It works for both of us. If he is not around I have to remember to ask for light salt or wipe it off. I also love daiquiris. They are yummy in all their wonderful flavors. I was quite sad to find this weekend that the ONLY good daiquiri shop around here is no longer owned by the NOLA institution of the Giacomo family. It is now owned by someone else and the daiquiri machines that used to line the walls are gone. In fact, they don’t even sell them anymore. I was sad. It had become just another yuppy bar. Maybe someday I will buy a bar and have my own herd of daiquiri machines along with all the old traditional drinks that are getting more difficult to order these days. They are actually advertising “classic” bars as a selling point so you can walk in off the street and not have to explain how to make a gin and tonic to the bartender. No offense to bar tenders, when all you get asked for is kiddie cocktails, that is what you are going to know how to make best.
.
.
Ok, Now I really NEED that drink because it makes all the rest of this stuff easier to deal with…or at least you feel that way…. (kidding, sheesh, call off the intervention)….
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Defunkified for July 10, 2007
Yesterday while I was still deep in my funk, Haley pointed out the number of words in her tag cloud that she used MOST often and how some of them had serendipitous and entertaining connections. I had it in my head that I should take a look at my own tag cloud. I got as far as copying them down before the mood left.
I didn’t blog my original blog yesterday, I wrote some nastiness that hopefully will NEVER leave my e-mail, and failed yet again to follow through on a promise. Then today, Haley (dang her and her like-mindedness) blogs about the effects of procrastination…..
Meh, trapped, hoist on me own petard, and forced to walk me own dern plank…. Fine, finkle finger of fate….. Here, happy now?
These are the 40 items in MY Tag Cloud that get used the most often and are therefore in large type…. I am going to expand a bit on them in much the manner that I do with my friends list… because, well, it is my blog and I can do what I want to in it.
alien: How can I not spend a fair amount of time on these guys, they are my two closest friends and a huge part of my life.
andy_walo: What can I say, give credit where credit is due, this guy is a fabulous musician.
bands: Yeah well, I love live music. I try to encourage it where I can.
california: It is my home, I can’t imagine ever living elsewhere again…but am sure I will.
challenge: I have a lot of this in my life. I blog it for “posterity” in case my family ever wants to know and to hopefully inspire others….also used for those “writing challenges”.
cheese: Some days, you just need to have cheese. You can’t always be all serious and stuff.
date: I find a number of things are date related…some are even interesting.
death: Yeah well it IS the final outcome of life. It will happen to us all eventually.
Dog: I love my dog, she loves me back.
family: You can’t choose them, you have to go with what you got, or make your own…I do both.
friends: These you can chose…and some of mine make the jump to the previous tag.
happiness: Some days it is more elusive than others but it is the second strongest emotion in my arsenal.
hermosabeach: My spiritual home.
history: I have NO clue how this got to be such a big category…. I am TERRIBLE with history.
humor: yeah well, it keeps me going. You HAVE TO have a sense of humor in this life… in order to keep your happiness alive…
illness: See Aliens.
injury: It happens, it took a large chunk of my life….it gets written about.
jimmy_buffett: Oh man, this guy has the BEST lyric base. I can always find something to suit my mood. He has been one of my favorite musicians at every stage of my life.
life: Life is what happens while you are busy making plans…don’t let it get away from you… it is all well and good to plan for tomorrow as long as you still LIVE today you only get one shot at today.
love: It is a huge part of life. It is also a huge part of MY life.
me: It is MY blog, generally things here tend to reflect that…sorry if it is selfish.
music: There it is again…you would think it was important to me or something.
opinions: I have them and I am NOT afraid to use them.
perception: I have a very weird point of view. I am aware of it. Sometimes it gets away from me. I point it out sometimes.
pictures: I LOVE PICTURES! They are like little chunks of time saved forever!
quotes: I use a few I guess. Many people inspire me with their words.
sad: It happens, I try to keep it to a minimum but you need some to balance out your life.
self-belief: I have a hard time believing in myself sometimes. It comes out here…
self-image: Goes right along with the previous one. I simply can NOT see myself the same way you guys claim to.
series: I have written a few…they get upgraded automatically because well by definition…there is more than one...der.
sister: I have a few. I talk about one more than the others.
soul: I believe firmly in the power of it…
tag: I get tagged from time to time. I don’t like to do them because they get out of hand fast….but once in a while there is a good one…
theman: Yeah well…what can I say, I love the guy.
unfiltered: a recent addition that seems to be getting a lot of use….it means I tried to be brutally honest and not filter.
weather: It is a hot topic I tell ya.
weatherwithyou: It was a series….it is also a fantastic Jimmy Buffett CD.
weird: By my very nature, I find a lot of things weird, including most often, myself.
work: It takes up a large chunk of my every single day, it ends up getting written about.
writing: It is WHAT I do after all…first and foremost it is ME.
As for that promise mentioned up there, since it coincidentally matches the tags I will include it here: A while back I was given a gift from a buddy. My buddy, who goes by the name of Dick Deluxe gave me a copy of his CD ,Don't Borax the Borax Man. I told him I would give it a listen and tell him honestly what I thought of it.
I listened almost immediately and have not had a chance to talk to him since to tell him what I think of it. I like it. It is not my “normal style” of music (as if I have one) but it fits my “if it has a beat and you can sing to it” criteria so it passes. I could not POSSIBLY even begin to describe the type of music. Even HE can’t really describe it and says: “I'm describing as alt country, Americana, alt blues and country soul. What do I know?” As for ME I am going to simply describe it as “good” and tell you to go listen for yourself. Dick, buddy, if you are reading this….thanks for the CD, it gets a fair amount of airtime and a thumbs up from me.
I didn’t blog my original blog yesterday, I wrote some nastiness that hopefully will NEVER leave my e-mail, and failed yet again to follow through on a promise. Then today, Haley (dang her and her like-mindedness) blogs about the effects of procrastination…..
Meh, trapped, hoist on me own petard, and forced to walk me own dern plank…. Fine, finkle finger of fate….. Here, happy now?
These are the 40 items in MY Tag Cloud that get used the most often and are therefore in large type…. I am going to expand a bit on them in much the manner that I do with my friends list… because, well, it is my blog and I can do what I want to in it.
alien: How can I not spend a fair amount of time on these guys, they are my two closest friends and a huge part of my life.
andy_walo: What can I say, give credit where credit is due, this guy is a fabulous musician.
bands: Yeah well, I love live music. I try to encourage it where I can.
california: It is my home, I can’t imagine ever living elsewhere again…but am sure I will.
challenge: I have a lot of this in my life. I blog it for “posterity” in case my family ever wants to know and to hopefully inspire others….also used for those “writing challenges”.
cheese: Some days, you just need to have cheese. You can’t always be all serious and stuff.
date: I find a number of things are date related…some are even interesting.
death: Yeah well it IS the final outcome of life. It will happen to us all eventually.
Dog: I love my dog, she loves me back.
family: You can’t choose them, you have to go with what you got, or make your own…I do both.
friends: These you can chose…and some of mine make the jump to the previous tag.
happiness: Some days it is more elusive than others but it is the second strongest emotion in my arsenal.
hermosabeach: My spiritual home.
history: I have NO clue how this got to be such a big category…. I am TERRIBLE with history.
humor: yeah well, it keeps me going. You HAVE TO have a sense of humor in this life… in order to keep your happiness alive…
illness: See Aliens.
injury: It happens, it took a large chunk of my life….it gets written about.
jimmy_buffett: Oh man, this guy has the BEST lyric base. I can always find something to suit my mood. He has been one of my favorite musicians at every stage of my life.
life: Life is what happens while you are busy making plans…don’t let it get away from you… it is all well and good to plan for tomorrow as long as you still LIVE today you only get one shot at today.
love: It is a huge part of life. It is also a huge part of MY life.
me: It is MY blog, generally things here tend to reflect that…sorry if it is selfish.
music: There it is again…you would think it was important to me or something.
opinions: I have them and I am NOT afraid to use them.
perception: I have a very weird point of view. I am aware of it. Sometimes it gets away from me. I point it out sometimes.
pictures: I LOVE PICTURES! They are like little chunks of time saved forever!
quotes: I use a few I guess. Many people inspire me with their words.
sad: It happens, I try to keep it to a minimum but you need some to balance out your life.
self-belief: I have a hard time believing in myself sometimes. It comes out here…
self-image: Goes right along with the previous one. I simply can NOT see myself the same way you guys claim to.
series: I have written a few…they get upgraded automatically because well by definition…there is more than one...der.
sister: I have a few. I talk about one more than the others.
soul: I believe firmly in the power of it…
tag: I get tagged from time to time. I don’t like to do them because they get out of hand fast….but once in a while there is a good one…
theman: Yeah well…what can I say, I love the guy.
unfiltered: a recent addition that seems to be getting a lot of use….it means I tried to be brutally honest and not filter.
weather: It is a hot topic I tell ya.
weatherwithyou: It was a series….it is also a fantastic Jimmy Buffett CD.
weird: By my very nature, I find a lot of things weird, including most often, myself.
work: It takes up a large chunk of my every single day, it ends up getting written about.
writing: It is WHAT I do after all…first and foremost it is ME.
As for that promise mentioned up there, since it coincidentally matches the tags I will include it here: A while back I was given a gift from a buddy. My buddy, who goes by the name of Dick Deluxe gave me a copy of his CD ,Don't Borax the Borax Man. I told him I would give it a listen and tell him honestly what I thought of it.
I listened almost immediately and have not had a chance to talk to him since to tell him what I think of it. I like it. It is not my “normal style” of music (as if I have one) but it fits my “if it has a beat and you can sing to it” criteria so it passes. I could not POSSIBLY even begin to describe the type of music. Even HE can’t really describe it and says: “I'm describing as alt country, Americana, alt blues and country soul. What do I know?” As for ME I am going to simply describe it as “good” and tell you to go listen for yourself. Dick, buddy, if you are reading this….thanks for the CD, it gets a fair amount of airtime and a thumbs up from me.
When I Finally Grow a Pair on July 09, 2007
So I have had one of those days that just makes me want to write a nasty blog and in fact I did. I wrote a great spoof on that tag going around and called it "10 weird things that really hack DeeAnne off". I didn't post it because as with most controversial things... I gave myself a cooling off period and e-mailed it to myself. Good thing I did because I came home and my entire DAY changed… I arrived at the house to find a PACKAGE on my door step…
So now, I am reclining nekkid on my bed playing with the contents of it. I have the feather boa wrapped around my leg so I don’t get cold and I am feeling kind of happy and good playing with my new pair….of nuts. Oh yeah I am a happy camper…..and I gots me some GREAT friends.....
So now, I am reclining nekkid on my bed playing with the contents of it. I have the feather boa wrapped around my leg so I don’t get cold and I am feeling kind of happy and good playing with my new pair….of nuts. Oh yeah I am a happy camper…..and I gots me some GREAT friends.....
Monday, June 25, 2007
Motivating Passion for June 25, 2007
I was going to save this for another day but you know…..once it starts bugging me….I have to say it so…it will be another two blog day. Read Passion first or this one might not make much sense.
I mentioned in a comment on my passions blog today about someone who was giving me grief on more than one front. I said….
“I think the person was TRYING to make me feel like I only LIKED people based on what they could "give" me. It was someone I have recently cut down my time with finding that their "new personality" was not working for me...in fact was causing me more trouble than it was worth.”
This person who we shall call Doesn’t Fool Me Anymore (“DFMA”) used to be a fairly close friend of mine. We have known each other a long time. DFMA is one of those people who has a passion or perhaps I should say had a passion. He has been squelching his passion for a while now and I think it has begun to warp his brain. He has become moody, irritable, and down right cranky sometimes. Normally it would not be a problem. In fact, he has gone through similar cycles before without it fazing me in the slightest. This time is different.
Always highly analytical I used to look forward to our conversations. They were always highly charged, informative, and exciting. Sounds like one of those passion things huh? Well it was. He was passionate about understanding, learning, and sharing views. It was fun to be around.
Then things changed. Suddenly all analysis was directed AT me. Not as in I was the one to converse about these things with him, as in DFMA became obsessed with analyzing me: my every movement, my thoughts, my actions, and my motives. Normally this would not be a problem. I am pretty much an open book as those of you here know. I tend to just say what’s on my mind and remain open to what other folks may have to say about it. I ask for and listen to opinions. The difference was that this person was not doing it in the “normal” way. By normal I mean, I say something, they give me their opinion. Not at all, DFMA was doing what I call the whisper. He was a “whisperer” .
I think to some extent we all have “whisperers” or have had them. They are the folks who are or become the one of the little voices in your head. Sometimes these are good voices, like the one that sounds like your mom that says, “maybe you should look both ways before crossing the street” and other times they are the bad voices that say” you aren’t good enough”. When I call someone a “whisperer” I mean that the person is in a position where their opinion carries some weight. They are more or less “trusted” voices in our life. A true “whisperer” is not a person who has your best interests at heart all the time…they have a MOTIVE. The motive may be good or as in this case, it may not be good.
As far as DFMA goes I am NOT 100% certain of his motive. I am certain it was one or two things and neither is good. The end result of which was that he had taken to making commentary on every single thing I did. Bad commentary. Making me hypersensitive and over-analytical of my every move. More than that, making me suspect the moves and motives of those around me.
You all know I have not been in a good place lately. In fact it was pretty much a bad place. I am not going to pretend that my life has been all sunshine and light recently but I can say with 100% certainty that normally it would NOT put me where I have been either. Need proof? Go read my “personal amusement” blog….nothing EVER gets me down like I have been. I was extremely sick as a child, I think the main thing it taught me besides how to amuse myself was how to laugh at myself. That carried me though my entire life. I was rarely ever sick after the age of 10 but the lessons learned carried me through lots of other stuff…hard to feel sorry for yourself because you broke your arm when you are busy laughing at what a klutz you are. This further carried me through some seriously scary stuff with my ex. Hard to be scared when you are laughing right?
A few years back, when I got hurt at work things were pretty much the same. I mocked the wheel chair, converted a mechanics creeper into my personal “DeeAnne sized work wheelie”, and generally was my normal self. Over time I noticed things start to change. I wasn’t able to laugh at myself so quickly and things began to get me down. I put this down to the drama with my sister. She was always so quick to tell me how sorry she was for me and how bad she felt for me that after awhile you start to feel like maybe you are pretty pathetic and you are bringing others down with you….it is a downward spiral from there. After our little blow up and her subsequent disappearance things were different for a bit. I thought it was because she was no longer whispering. I now know it was because I had also cut myself off from another more deadly “whisperer”, DFMA, at the same time. It wasn’t intentional. I was spending all my time doing the surgery and associated recovery. Then the contact started up again and slowly so did the personal questioning I was doing.
At first it was minor stuff just me questioning choices I made and the like. It was never obvious more like introspection. Then like I said recently all that changed and DFMA changed. Everything became a question, everyone around me was questioned, and every action was analyzed. At first I thought it was a protective thing. Honestly just now it occurs to me that this is EXACTLY the same behavior as my ex. Scary. On the surface protective but a deeper motive, one slightly more sinister. His motive was simple. He could not drive people out of my life but he could make ME do it. He could make me worry, wonder, and question those around me until I either was so convinced of their ill will that I would cut off contact with them or would make me question them so much that they would cut off contact from me convinced of my ill will.
It took a bit to figure it out. It took a lot more to make me accept it. I first noticed something was amiss back around late January early February when he made some comments about his less than pure motives and I actually cut of contact with him for a bit. Then I decided that everyone deserved a second chance so I gave him one still not really understanding what was going on. Then it came up again in April when he said some things I was not so sure about his motives for saying. Those things cause me a lot of trouble by making me even more insecure about my position. I put it down to my weird situation and again let it slide. It came up again recently and I really questioned it. This time it almost cost me a friend before I caught myself and explained everything to THAT friend. After much explaining, over-explaining, and finally simply asking and trusting I was relieved to have that friendship back on track but the whole thing made me take a good hard look at Mr. DFMA. I talked to some friends who could be trusted, I talked to some family, and finally had to accept that he was in fact not being a friend. I was hurt. I tried to justify it, find reasons for it, and excuse it. In the end I couldn’t. This person was in a position of trust, he knew what was going on in my life, and he knew what harm his words were doing. He simply didn’t care. I finally had to accept that this was how he was going to be and so I am severely limiting my conversations with him. I make huge attempts not to have any conversations with him when there is not another party involved.
I don’t like being guarded with people but I am finding that sometimes you have to….does this mean I am finally growing up? Probably not, but I can say that I feel a whole lot better since I have been doing this. I feel more…like me again. I am finding myself laughing more, feeling happy more, and able to see the good in me. It is not perfect but it is a start back to where I was. I am not sure I will ever get all the way back there to where I was but I am also not so sure I want to either.
Even still limiting my contact still allows certain things to slip through like the snarky remark about my friends and my motives for having them but the difference is that now the NEW me is learning to not question myself about them but to instead recognize the motive behind that comment and simply allow me to stand up for what I believe and quietly say what’s on my mind.
Motivating me to regain some of my old passion… hmm maybe I am growing up just a little, I kind of like it.
I mentioned in a comment on my passions blog today about someone who was giving me grief on more than one front. I said….
“I think the person was TRYING to make me feel like I only LIKED people based on what they could "give" me. It was someone I have recently cut down my time with finding that their "new personality" was not working for me...in fact was causing me more trouble than it was worth.”
This person who we shall call Doesn’t Fool Me Anymore (“DFMA”) used to be a fairly close friend of mine. We have known each other a long time. DFMA is one of those people who has a passion or perhaps I should say had a passion. He has been squelching his passion for a while now and I think it has begun to warp his brain. He has become moody, irritable, and down right cranky sometimes. Normally it would not be a problem. In fact, he has gone through similar cycles before without it fazing me in the slightest. This time is different.
Always highly analytical I used to look forward to our conversations. They were always highly charged, informative, and exciting. Sounds like one of those passion things huh? Well it was. He was passionate about understanding, learning, and sharing views. It was fun to be around.
Then things changed. Suddenly all analysis was directed AT me. Not as in I was the one to converse about these things with him, as in DFMA became obsessed with analyzing me: my every movement, my thoughts, my actions, and my motives. Normally this would not be a problem. I am pretty much an open book as those of you here know. I tend to just say what’s on my mind and remain open to what other folks may have to say about it. I ask for and listen to opinions. The difference was that this person was not doing it in the “normal” way. By normal I mean, I say something, they give me their opinion. Not at all, DFMA was doing what I call the whisper. He was a “whisperer” .
I think to some extent we all have “whisperers” or have had them. They are the folks who are or become the one of the little voices in your head. Sometimes these are good voices, like the one that sounds like your mom that says, “maybe you should look both ways before crossing the street” and other times they are the bad voices that say” you aren’t good enough”. When I call someone a “whisperer” I mean that the person is in a position where their opinion carries some weight. They are more or less “trusted” voices in our life. A true “whisperer” is not a person who has your best interests at heart all the time…they have a MOTIVE. The motive may be good or as in this case, it may not be good.
As far as DFMA goes I am NOT 100% certain of his motive. I am certain it was one or two things and neither is good. The end result of which was that he had taken to making commentary on every single thing I did. Bad commentary. Making me hypersensitive and over-analytical of my every move. More than that, making me suspect the moves and motives of those around me.
You all know I have not been in a good place lately. In fact it was pretty much a bad place. I am not going to pretend that my life has been all sunshine and light recently but I can say with 100% certainty that normally it would NOT put me where I have been either. Need proof? Go read my “personal amusement” blog….nothing EVER gets me down like I have been. I was extremely sick as a child, I think the main thing it taught me besides how to amuse myself was how to laugh at myself. That carried me though my entire life. I was rarely ever sick after the age of 10 but the lessons learned carried me through lots of other stuff…hard to feel sorry for yourself because you broke your arm when you are busy laughing at what a klutz you are. This further carried me through some seriously scary stuff with my ex. Hard to be scared when you are laughing right?
A few years back, when I got hurt at work things were pretty much the same. I mocked the wheel chair, converted a mechanics creeper into my personal “DeeAnne sized work wheelie”, and generally was my normal self. Over time I noticed things start to change. I wasn’t able to laugh at myself so quickly and things began to get me down. I put this down to the drama with my sister. She was always so quick to tell me how sorry she was for me and how bad she felt for me that after awhile you start to feel like maybe you are pretty pathetic and you are bringing others down with you….it is a downward spiral from there. After our little blow up and her subsequent disappearance things were different for a bit. I thought it was because she was no longer whispering. I now know it was because I had also cut myself off from another more deadly “whisperer”, DFMA, at the same time. It wasn’t intentional. I was spending all my time doing the surgery and associated recovery. Then the contact started up again and slowly so did the personal questioning I was doing.
At first it was minor stuff just me questioning choices I made and the like. It was never obvious more like introspection. Then like I said recently all that changed and DFMA changed. Everything became a question, everyone around me was questioned, and every action was analyzed. At first I thought it was a protective thing. Honestly just now it occurs to me that this is EXACTLY the same behavior as my ex. Scary. On the surface protective but a deeper motive, one slightly more sinister. His motive was simple. He could not drive people out of my life but he could make ME do it. He could make me worry, wonder, and question those around me until I either was so convinced of their ill will that I would cut off contact with them or would make me question them so much that they would cut off contact from me convinced of my ill will.
It took a bit to figure it out. It took a lot more to make me accept it. I first noticed something was amiss back around late January early February when he made some comments about his less than pure motives and I actually cut of contact with him for a bit. Then I decided that everyone deserved a second chance so I gave him one still not really understanding what was going on. Then it came up again in April when he said some things I was not so sure about his motives for saying. Those things cause me a lot of trouble by making me even more insecure about my position. I put it down to my weird situation and again let it slide. It came up again recently and I really questioned it. This time it almost cost me a friend before I caught myself and explained everything to THAT friend. After much explaining, over-explaining, and finally simply asking and trusting I was relieved to have that friendship back on track but the whole thing made me take a good hard look at Mr. DFMA. I talked to some friends who could be trusted, I talked to some family, and finally had to accept that he was in fact not being a friend. I was hurt. I tried to justify it, find reasons for it, and excuse it. In the end I couldn’t. This person was in a position of trust, he knew what was going on in my life, and he knew what harm his words were doing. He simply didn’t care. I finally had to accept that this was how he was going to be and so I am severely limiting my conversations with him. I make huge attempts not to have any conversations with him when there is not another party involved.
I don’t like being guarded with people but I am finding that sometimes you have to….does this mean I am finally growing up? Probably not, but I can say that I feel a whole lot better since I have been doing this. I feel more…like me again. I am finding myself laughing more, feeling happy more, and able to see the good in me. It is not perfect but it is a start back to where I was. I am not sure I will ever get all the way back there to where I was but I am also not so sure I want to either.
Even still limiting my contact still allows certain things to slip through like the snarky remark about my friends and my motives for having them but the difference is that now the NEW me is learning to not question myself about them but to instead recognize the motive behind that comment and simply allow me to stand up for what I believe and quietly say what’s on my mind.
Motivating me to regain some of my old passion… hmm maybe I am growing up just a little, I kind of like it.
Passion for June 25, 2007
Someone said something to me the other day that sort of struck home with me. I carried that comment around with me for a few days as I mulled it over and over. Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore and just knew I had to blog it….
The comment was….You are always bragging about your friends and how talented they are. Do you feel like you are better than you are because you hang around with people like that? Or do you just pump your friends up to be more than they are?
The comment hit me sort of sideways at the time and I simply let it go. For one thing I didn’t feel like getting into the argument I knew the person was looking for but more than that, I knew that no matter what I said I also knew that this person was NEVER going to understand my answer. I actually felt kind of bad for not saying anything…but whatever.
So my answer is actually that I brag about my friends because each and every one of them has something worthy of bragging about. They span the spectrum of skills and abilities from the obvious to the obscure but each and every one of my friends has a unique and amazing skill or talent. I do not overstate their fantasticness, They rock, EOD.
The rest of the question is somewhat more complex and can not be understood if I were to simply answer without explaining. The answer simply is yes, I do feel like I am better than I am because of the people I hang around with. I DO get something from them but it is not what you might think.
Let’s start with how/why these people become people I want to be my friends. First of all it is not the talent/skill/whatever that draws me to them. It is what is BEHIND that which intrigues me. You see all my friends draw their talents and skills from the same pool. The end results are widely varied. What is it that all these people from so many different walks of life have in common to make them all so special to me? The pool they draw from is passion. Every single one of my friends is special because they draw their skill from something that they feel passionately about.
What? Passion? I don’t get it. Why is that interesting? Isn’t everyone passionate about something?
No, not at all. I would guess that probably most people feel strongly about SOMETHING or other but I am talking about passion here. There is a huge difference. When I am talking about passion, I am talking about the kind of people who when they talk about something, their whole BEING lights up. That is what draws me to them. People who not only HAVE but EMBRACE that kind of passion have a special gift. Their ability to feel that kind of passion translates to everything that they do and everything around them. They know the joy of doing/feeling/living that which inspires passion in them and that makes them a unique personality.
Let me give an example. For instance, I have worked with many engineers over my lifetime and to be honest most of them are pretty skilled. I mean you sort of have to have some kind of skill in that field. You spend years in college working on it, honing the skills in your jobs, and just repetition itself. They don’t really impress me. The engineer who really does impress me is my friend Rick. He was describing a new machine to me one day. It was something we were about to start work on and he was finalizing the concept. As he described it to me his whole face lit up, his body became more animated, and he described it in glowing terms. He sensed at one point that I was grinning at him. He stopped mid-description and smiled sort of bashfully. “What?” He asked, “I can’t help getting excited, isn’t it sexy?” I had to agree that it was. Seriously you can not BUY that kind of enthusiasm. You have to feel it and it can not be faked. Sexy indeed. Don’t get me wrong I am not talking about the desire to toss him down and have my way with him, far from it, I am talking about the overall appeal of it. They get excited about something and by association you can not help but get excited by it too. I am not surprised that one of my all time favorite jobs was working for Rick…the entire job was fun, exciting, challenging, and face it, sexy. It was not without its challenges, it did have days that just plain sucked, and it ended badly when we got bought and closed but I still can’t deny it was one of my favorites still simply because of Rick. He not only was LIKE that himself, he tended to hire people who were like that as well. You can enjoy your job or whatever it is that you do but those who feel passionate about what they do take it to a whole other level.
The same thing I have noticed applies to non-friend things as well. I find myself drawn more to music when the musician is passionate, more able to relate to the movie of the actor who does it because they love it, and so on regardless of how “mainstream popular” they are. I think this is why you will find me more likely to show up at certain concerts than others. It is not JUST that I am cheap, it is because you are more likely to find the truly passionate folks there. I mean you really have to love what you do in order to deal with doing it for very little financial reward so generally those who are looking to make it big won’t hang around long. Likewise I have seen some very talented and passionate folks LOSE that passion once the thing becomes a “job”. I knew some fantastic musicians who became famous only to find that suddenly when everyone begins to put demands on you and tell you how to do it, it loses its appeal very quickly and they lost that passion that made them special. Oddly enough some of them dropped out and got “day jobs” for a while only to find that they quickly re-found that passion. I believe this is what drives the “comebacks” in some cases and I know in some cases it is what keeps them doing the “small stuff” and careful to avoid getting so big and out of control again.
Lest you think that this is limited to JOB skills let be quickly stop that thought. In some cases this could not be further from the truth. The discussion has come up around here more than once about stay at home mom’s and their “value”. I have several friends who chose to be stay at home moms because they felt passionately about it. In some cases these are highly educated and highly skilled women who gave it all up to stay home and raise their kids. Someone once made the mistake to call that a “Waste” in front of me. I disagreed almost violently. Why? Because doing what you feel passionate about is NEVER a waste. These women would have been sad, frustrated, and unhappy to have someone else raise their kids while they “worked” out side the home and THAT would have translated at home. Instead by doing what they felt strongly about they BRING that passion to the lives of their spouses and kids. These “non-working” friends of mine have a gift and a skill to be fantastic homemakers simply because they are passionate about it. Likewise someone who did not WANT to stay home and care for their kids and felt strongly that they SHOULD be working outside the home SHOULD DO SO because to deny that passion is wrong.
The same is true about many others of my friends and in many cases it is not the OBVIOUS thing either. I have who is a very talented singer. She has a passion that drives her and that passion is what draws me to her. It is NOT singing. What drives her is a desire to honor a legacy. Her uncle was a quite famous musician. He taught her everything he knew before he died far too young. She feels strongly that it was meant to be that he should teach her these things before he died so that she could fulfill HIS destiny. She honors this with a passion that colors her life that translates into her singing but it is NOT the singing itself.
The passions vary as widely as the friends do. God, lovers, nature, acting, playing, home, travel, kids, family, politics, art, music, writing, business, science, and work are just a few and there are many others.
Each and every person who touches me in a way that causes me to want to be their friend has some kind of a passion that drives them. They have a certain kind of “Joie de Vivre” that flows around them that comes simply from this one passion… no matter what that passion is.
I said before I DO get something from that but what. Is it importance through association? Is it the “talking” value of friends in “high places”? What exactly do I get from that? That is simple. I get the joy from being around the glow of happiness that flows off such people. I enjoy being surrounded by happy people and people who feel that kind of passion and live it are happy people. This does not mean that they don’t have sad days, blue moods, or moments of unhappiness or anger; it just means that more often than not they are prone to happiness and I like that.
Take a good look around you. Those of you here that I call my friends are all passionate about something and it makes you happy people. So is the guy next to you, the one commenting before or after you, and the one who isn’t commenting because they don’t feel it applies to THEM. You can feel it, it surrounds you and make this a very happy place even when it’s sad.
The comment was….You are always bragging about your friends and how talented they are. Do you feel like you are better than you are because you hang around with people like that? Or do you just pump your friends up to be more than they are?
The comment hit me sort of sideways at the time and I simply let it go. For one thing I didn’t feel like getting into the argument I knew the person was looking for but more than that, I knew that no matter what I said I also knew that this person was NEVER going to understand my answer. I actually felt kind of bad for not saying anything…but whatever.
So my answer is actually that I brag about my friends because each and every one of them has something worthy of bragging about. They span the spectrum of skills and abilities from the obvious to the obscure but each and every one of my friends has a unique and amazing skill or talent. I do not overstate their fantasticness, They rock, EOD.
The rest of the question is somewhat more complex and can not be understood if I were to simply answer without explaining. The answer simply is yes, I do feel like I am better than I am because of the people I hang around with. I DO get something from them but it is not what you might think.
Let’s start with how/why these people become people I want to be my friends. First of all it is not the talent/skill/whatever that draws me to them. It is what is BEHIND that which intrigues me. You see all my friends draw their talents and skills from the same pool. The end results are widely varied. What is it that all these people from so many different walks of life have in common to make them all so special to me? The pool they draw from is passion. Every single one of my friends is special because they draw their skill from something that they feel passionately about.
What? Passion? I don’t get it. Why is that interesting? Isn’t everyone passionate about something?
No, not at all. I would guess that probably most people feel strongly about SOMETHING or other but I am talking about passion here. There is a huge difference. When I am talking about passion, I am talking about the kind of people who when they talk about something, their whole BEING lights up. That is what draws me to them. People who not only HAVE but EMBRACE that kind of passion have a special gift. Their ability to feel that kind of passion translates to everything that they do and everything around them. They know the joy of doing/feeling/living that which inspires passion in them and that makes them a unique personality.
Let me give an example. For instance, I have worked with many engineers over my lifetime and to be honest most of them are pretty skilled. I mean you sort of have to have some kind of skill in that field. You spend years in college working on it, honing the skills in your jobs, and just repetition itself. They don’t really impress me. The engineer who really does impress me is my friend Rick. He was describing a new machine to me one day. It was something we were about to start work on and he was finalizing the concept. As he described it to me his whole face lit up, his body became more animated, and he described it in glowing terms. He sensed at one point that I was grinning at him. He stopped mid-description and smiled sort of bashfully. “What?” He asked, “I can’t help getting excited, isn’t it sexy?” I had to agree that it was. Seriously you can not BUY that kind of enthusiasm. You have to feel it and it can not be faked. Sexy indeed. Don’t get me wrong I am not talking about the desire to toss him down and have my way with him, far from it, I am talking about the overall appeal of it. They get excited about something and by association you can not help but get excited by it too. I am not surprised that one of my all time favorite jobs was working for Rick…the entire job was fun, exciting, challenging, and face it, sexy. It was not without its challenges, it did have days that just plain sucked, and it ended badly when we got bought and closed but I still can’t deny it was one of my favorites still simply because of Rick. He not only was LIKE that himself, he tended to hire people who were like that as well. You can enjoy your job or whatever it is that you do but those who feel passionate about what they do take it to a whole other level.
The same thing I have noticed applies to non-friend things as well. I find myself drawn more to music when the musician is passionate, more able to relate to the movie of the actor who does it because they love it, and so on regardless of how “mainstream popular” they are. I think this is why you will find me more likely to show up at certain concerts than others. It is not JUST that I am cheap, it is because you are more likely to find the truly passionate folks there. I mean you really have to love what you do in order to deal with doing it for very little financial reward so generally those who are looking to make it big won’t hang around long. Likewise I have seen some very talented and passionate folks LOSE that passion once the thing becomes a “job”. I knew some fantastic musicians who became famous only to find that suddenly when everyone begins to put demands on you and tell you how to do it, it loses its appeal very quickly and they lost that passion that made them special. Oddly enough some of them dropped out and got “day jobs” for a while only to find that they quickly re-found that passion. I believe this is what drives the “comebacks” in some cases and I know in some cases it is what keeps them doing the “small stuff” and careful to avoid getting so big and out of control again.
Lest you think that this is limited to JOB skills let be quickly stop that thought. In some cases this could not be further from the truth. The discussion has come up around here more than once about stay at home mom’s and their “value”. I have several friends who chose to be stay at home moms because they felt passionately about it. In some cases these are highly educated and highly skilled women who gave it all up to stay home and raise their kids. Someone once made the mistake to call that a “Waste” in front of me. I disagreed almost violently. Why? Because doing what you feel passionate about is NEVER a waste. These women would have been sad, frustrated, and unhappy to have someone else raise their kids while they “worked” out side the home and THAT would have translated at home. Instead by doing what they felt strongly about they BRING that passion to the lives of their spouses and kids. These “non-working” friends of mine have a gift and a skill to be fantastic homemakers simply because they are passionate about it. Likewise someone who did not WANT to stay home and care for their kids and felt strongly that they SHOULD be working outside the home SHOULD DO SO because to deny that passion is wrong.
The same is true about many others of my friends and in many cases it is not the OBVIOUS thing either. I have who is a very talented singer. She has a passion that drives her and that passion is what draws me to her. It is NOT singing. What drives her is a desire to honor a legacy. Her uncle was a quite famous musician. He taught her everything he knew before he died far too young. She feels strongly that it was meant to be that he should teach her these things before he died so that she could fulfill HIS destiny. She honors this with a passion that colors her life that translates into her singing but it is NOT the singing itself.
The passions vary as widely as the friends do. God, lovers, nature, acting, playing, home, travel, kids, family, politics, art, music, writing, business, science, and work are just a few and there are many others.
Each and every person who touches me in a way that causes me to want to be their friend has some kind of a passion that drives them. They have a certain kind of “Joie de Vivre” that flows around them that comes simply from this one passion… no matter what that passion is.
I said before I DO get something from that but what. Is it importance through association? Is it the “talking” value of friends in “high places”? What exactly do I get from that? That is simple. I get the joy from being around the glow of happiness that flows off such people. I enjoy being surrounded by happy people and people who feel that kind of passion and live it are happy people. This does not mean that they don’t have sad days, blue moods, or moments of unhappiness or anger; it just means that more often than not they are prone to happiness and I like that.
Take a good look around you. Those of you here that I call my friends are all passionate about something and it makes you happy people. So is the guy next to you, the one commenting before or after you, and the one who isn’t commenting because they don’t feel it applies to THEM. You can feel it, it surrounds you and make this a very happy place even when it’s sad.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday June 20, 2007
Wacky Wednesday, Happy Hump day, and mid week mind games.
Stream of consciousness coming….brain is pre-blues night mush (I SOOO need my fix). Where, oh, where to go from here… Let’s see.
They changed my treatment levels again today so I am again wandering around in a fog. Ears are ringing, head spinning, total so far today four nose bleeds (ugh) and aliens kicking = two. Good news is this means I am one week away from maybe POSSIBLY being done with this treatment.
UPDATED: I forgot that I had intended to mention this here....
The nose bleeds are the least weird bit of this treatment. For your amusement...some of the odder side effects:
1) craving VERY unusual stuff. Things I NEVER eat most recently potato chips.
2) Suddenly discovered that my TONGUE is ticklish...(via the textured edge of my coffee cup you PERVS)
3) VERY VERY weird dreams. Suddenly very odd, real, and vivid (or Yvonne is getting out a lot at night)
4) Nights where I can not get enough sleep (never happened...I am usually good on a few hours)
5) Feeling very snuggly...anyone want to cuddle?
6) Easily distracted...(hmm What? Was I, Oh yeah)
7) Incredibly thirsty. I usually drink about 8 glasses of water during the day (not counting other beverages) I am up to about 15.
8) MUST PEE (see #7)
9) Hair falling out (thankfully not in huge patches except for where it was MOST visible)
10) They mentioned "female" hormones with relation to the pill....I wasn't worried, I don't take it....DID THEY MENTION IT IN RELATION TO BEING FEMALE? NO. In relation to OTHER drugs I take NO.. HELLO?!?!?!?! Those MIGHT have been good to MENTION.
11) oh yeah just remembered...I suddenly am typing like I have dyslexia. I am switching most all letters and have to FOCUS or retype everything...Ask poor Acid who must translate my weird words on the IM.
Let’s see Wacky Wednesday weirdness….I saw some amusing ways to trick your body yesterday…there are lots of these around and only a few were new to me but I find them amusing and worth passing along… If you have a tickle in your throat, scratch your ear. Did you know, your right ear hears speech better and your left music(this explains a lot about a guy I know)? Ever find yourself in the car and needing desperately to pee? Think about sex, it relocates the urge…for men. Pressing on the roof of your mouth clears your sinuses, this is no news to ANYONE with allergies…you eat, your nose runs. Running and get a “stitch”? Switch your breathing so that you exhale as your LEFT foot hits the ground (bet you didn’t even KNOW you naturally do it the other way). Stop a bloody nose by putting a cotton ball inside your top lip under your nose and pressing on it. Party trick….ask a friend to hold one arm out palm down. Tell him to hold it there. Press down on it with two fingers…he should be able to hold it there….now make him put one foot on a phone book. Press down again and watch him struggle…he will NOT be able to stop you pushing his arm down.
Mid-week mind games….Have you ever noticed how certain people can bring out a very different side of you? I have been having a good giggle at how one friend recently seems to bringing out a VERY VERY uncharacteristic side of me. I have no clue why but it is both funny and unusual (and shocking to him, hehehe). I am trying not to analyze the heck out of it and just run with it….but it put me to mind of another subject.
Anyone who has been around my blog at all knows that I was raised in a rather old-fashioned and typically Indian way. While this is not a BAD thing, there is a draw back to overly sheltering your kids. One was that I had some VERY rude awakenings along the way. I think perhaps the worst (that’s relative I guess) was the culture shock I experienced upon being exposed to the “big bad world” for the first time at the same point as being out of the house for the first time. Yeah. I went from a very sheltered home and private schools to living in the public dorms of a major US university….. Let’s just say it was shocking. I quickly found myself lost and confused. Fortunately I had one VERY good friend around. B took it upon himself to keep a watchful eye over me so I would not get in too much trouble but also to help guide me along into some semblance of reality. Anyway, they used to have a running joke that whenever I would do, say, or understand something beyond my normal “reality” they would quickly claim it was the work of my alter ego “Yvonne”. It became so prevalent that when I made the major step of getting my very own first place to live….they hung a sign on my door announcing it as Yvonne’s.
Curious huh? That avatar up there…that is Yvonne. She still hangs around and sometimes surprises me. Lately some friends of mine have been channeling their own alter egos and I feel Yvonne stirring sometimes. She has made appearances from time to time. She usually appears long enough to do something out of context for me…then quickly departs leaving ME here blushing like an idiot. Anyway, I rather like her. She is like that weird friend you have who is SO dissimilar and yet so close to you that rather than run from her wildness you grin and shake your head. I have been trying to let Yvonne have a bit more freedom these days. I have no clue if it is DOING anything other than giving me reasons to blush but hey, it is a change. Change is good right? You see her handiwork in some of my more embarrassing blogs…THE DRESS!!!, the butt’s for Bob blog, and many others. I am also trying to let her run amok more in my day-to-day life. I try not to second guess her when she chooses my clothes, says blushy things, or flirts with disaster in many ways. In a way this is a struggle for me. I have spent far too many years living in my sheltered little shell. Every single venture outside my shell was always proceeded by an in depth study of the pros and cons and every potential side effect. Yvonne has a habit of just jumping in the deep end. I rather like it sometimes. I hope she doesn’t get me in any big trouble but I am trusting her to at least bring a bit of unexpected happiness to my life or at least some new experiences.
She is trying to get me to wear these pants to blues night….so far I am not that brave (though I DID accidentally wear a leather skirt the other day)..but I did put them on and take this pictures…that is a start.
From Harmie’s Blog… Answers by Yvonne.
Your First Reaction (copy and paste the original, delete other person's answers and replace it with your own first reaction to the word)
1. Cigarettes: Ick, no way 2. Sex: Is fun, damnit.
3. Relationship: long-term with that dork DeeAnne
4. Your Last Ex: loved, very much, still today
5. Football: used to be pretty good they wouldn’t let me play though.
6. Crack: plumbers
7. Food: just ate yoghurt
8. President: We don’t talk politics here
9. War: not as seen on TV
10. Vehicles: necessary evil
11. Gas Prices: out of control
12. Bon Jovi: meh
13. Fear: Motivator
14. Beyonce: great voice.
15. Blondes: There is one special one in my life (B)
16. Brunettes: that would be me
17. Politics: We don’t get that here.
18. One Night Stands: Are you kidding? DeeAnne would KILL me….
19. Cell phones: T-Mobile forever.
20. Vanilla Ice Cream: only the old fashioned kind
21. Porta potties: EEEK
22. High School: I don’t know what to say.
23. Pajamas: T-shirt and maybe flannel Boxers or nothing.
24. Wet Socks: Worst feeling ever.
25. Alcohol: In moderation.
26. Hate: no one even though I SHOULD
27. My best friend: is too far away
28. Heartache: Is felt daily
29. Love: rare and should be treasured EVERYDAY
30. Divorce: I don’t believe in it but I did it to save my life.
31. Parents: you can’t pick them….unless you are very LUCKY
32. Trees: Heaven on earth.
33. Coffee: Trader Joe’s hazelnut please.
34. Music: Soundtrack to my life.
35. Soccer: you mean football right?
36. Pot: WTF do you really think incense hides the smell?
37. Strippers: MeCl works best.
38. Work: can be fun or can simply be a means to an end your choice
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