In the course of looking for something last night, I found myself rummaging around in some old pictures on my hard drive. There I came across a picture. It was not an unusual picture per se, it was a screen capture of a former internet friend of mine. I had kept it at the time for an amazing similarity to someone I knew. What struck me as unusual last night when I looked it was that I suddenly realized that it bore an amazing resemblance to several OTHER someone’s I know. That thought combined with a thought that had already been niggling around the edges of my mind really yanked up a whole lot of paranoia. Not sure if this has EVER happened to me to this degree before so I am just going to toss it out there and see what it does.
One thing we all mention from time to time is that how it seems that because you have more people with whom to associate, you seem to pick up more compatible/similar people here on the net than you do in real life. We don’t all live in huge cities with millions of potential friends to choose from but here on the net we virtually do. I myself have a lot of very good friends here who share a lot of similarities to me as well as a lot of compatible differences. These friends are spread out across a variety of platforms (blogs here and there, social sites, and the like) so this will be posted in several of those places as well and I won’t be mentioning any specifics here.
One friend in particular has become quite disturbing. Not in any overt way but in a rather subtle makes you go hmmmm kind of way. It had been in the back of my mind lately how very odd certain things were. Most specifically that at any one point, a story that I had blogged or written about somewhere publicly was noticeably similar to a story coming from that friend as something happening in their now. The story was not verbatim of my experience but rather a retelling of it in someone else’s words. At first it was more of a “wow small world, aren’t we similar, I felt that way too thing but then over time it began to seem to be a bit TOO much coincidence. Then it began to be a whole lot too much coincidence.
This was not the first time something similar had happened. I have in the past, stopped associating with someone who took my words and used them verbatim as their own, I have stopped associating with people who seemed to want to become me, and others who simply gave me the willies. One such person had profoundly spooked me at one point by casually mentioning something near my house that I had never mentioned at a time that I knew I had never given away where I lived. I shut down most of pages and went friends only after that one for quite some time.
It is only in recent times that I have become more open with things about my home but only on the sites where I was still friends only. That set of former issues has been in my mind lately because I happened across an old blog of a friend of mine where someone had been posing as someone else. I had been mulling around the possibility that this particular friend of mine was not as they seemed but was rather a clever imposter. It was nothing specific rather just a feeling.
That is until last night. I ran across that picture that had borne an uncanny resemblance to an old friend of mine and noticed that it not only bore an uncanny resemblance to a current friend of mine but could in the right light be ME. It was a very surreal moment. Why? Because in all cases the resemblance tied in with one of the afore mentioned former friends. The plagiarizer, the wannabe, and the willies-giver ALL looked like that picture and that picture also looked like it could be ME. The friend who was supposed to be in the picture had disappeared from my page at one point when I mentioned a stalker. I was NOT referring to that friend (it was not an internet person at all but someone IRL) but the timing looking back NOW is sure suspicious. That friend sure seemed to know an awful lot about me, where I lived, and showed some amazing insight into what was going on IRL. I also recognize that the person who was in fact stalking me ALSO bears a resemblance to that picture (and to me) and has MORE than once expressed a desire to “have my life”.
I have been doing a lot of thinking on this issue recently and am not really sure where to go with it from here but it sure has me wondering how many people out there are not who they seem to be. While I accept that we ALL filter our lives to a large extent here, I am thinking more along the lines of are totally and completely NOT who they say they are. You hear stories about men pretending to be women, women pretending to be men, children pretending to be adults, adults pretending to be children, and all sorts of combinations I guess I just never considered the possibility that they were in MY life.
Interesting concept and one I hadn’t really thought too much about before. Now it does make me question my innate gullibility of taking everyone at face value until proven otherwise. I doubt this will really change anything about how I interact with others because I can’t see myself being that way but it will most likely make me quicker to question the odd faster in the future.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Kurious About Karma
My religious leanings have never been a secret. I am pretty open about my beliefs and things but this might get a little hairy in spots so….if you might be offended by religion or disturbed by words of illness you might want to skip this blog.
One of the things I am a firm believer in is karma. I have talked about it before on more than one occasion. On this occasion it is a very specific instance and one about which I am curious to know other opinions.
Um the scary illness part. Many of you were around back on that fateful day in June last year and others of you read about it. For summary and those who weren’t here.
On June 6th last year I woke after a few very restless hours sleep. I was seriously disturbed. I was not sure why but I was certain that something was about to go very wrong. As was our way back then, I woke The Man and he jumped in the shower. He was always concerned with my sleep habits so insisted that I always stayed in bed until he was ready to leave. This never flew. I hopped out of bed, made coffee, got things ready for the day, and then hopped back in bed. I lay there trying to get a handle on the feeling I was having and couldn’t. The Man finished his shower and got dressed. He came and sat the edge of the bed and same as every morning I wrapped myself around him and across his lap for a hug. We kissed and cuddled there for a few minutes and then he had to leave. He went to the kitchen and got his coffee then headed for the door. Unable to stand it anymore, I dove out of bed and chased him to the door. I stopped him and hugged him again. With a few more kisses I urged him to be very careful and watched as he walked across the yard to his truck. I stood there uneasy and waved as he pulled out of the drive. I tried to put my concerns out of my mind and get on with my own day. I didn’t have much to do those days as I was still trying to get my leg to work so I could go back to work outside the house. I was just about to get in the shower when I heard my cell phone ring. I picked it up and saw that it was one of The Man’s employees. This usually meant a parts run for me but not today. As I answered the phone with a hello I was greeted with those words that would change my life forever.
“The Man is dead”.
A long story ensues here but as you probably all know by now he was only mostly dead. I prayed as I rushed to the hospital. I prayed as I held on to him for dear life. I prayed as I followed the ambulance that moved him from one hospital to another. I sat there alone in the ICU as I prayed one more time for guidance on the crucial question. You see The Man had always told me he had a living will. He never wanted to be kept alive on life support and yet here we were. The hospital told me he wasn’t going to make it. They told me he might be a vegetable the rest of his life on that damn machine that still to this day makes its erratic clicks, hums, and whistles in my nightmares. The last prayer I made before I gave the OK included a little bit extra beyond the please let him live I had been praying all day and night. There were the added thoughts of I am already sick, If you have to take someone please take me and let him live. Then I gave the Ok and they turned it off. There were a few heartbreaking seconds before he heaved up off the bed and began to breathe on his own. He had done it, he beat the death sentence.
Why is that important? It was while driving him around during his recovery that I began to have trouble seeing. I started to see what I describe as halos. I have always seen auras so don’t be confused. I mean that light began to break up into orb light halos. Polarized sunglasses became a necessity. Driving at night meant trying to avoid traffic to avoid the headaches.
Once The Man was stable I scheduled a physical just to be sure since MS has a symptom of visual disturbances. My doctor started testing that would eventually lead to the discovery of Maxwell. My second “terminal” issue. People often comment on my calm acceptance of this diagnosis. This is why, it is the price I paid to save the life of the man I love and it is worth every bit of price paid even today.
The karma issue comes in next. The Man eventually recovered. He took this illness almost eerily in stride, in fact he ignored it for the most part. He would become irate if you mentioned it. As I got sicker, he got better. He would eventually leave me. There were a whole lot of things that happened in that leaving. None of them were good for me. In short I was unemployed, dying, and he wanted the house which meant I would have to move elsewhere. Shortly thereafter things began to go badly for The Man. He developed an illness of his own, he lost a massive contract that crippled his business, and a variety of other things all bad. One night I mentioned to him that he seemed to have acquired some bad karma. He doesn’t believe in karma and was annoyed I would suggest such a thing. It has persisted over the months. I finally got a job and started working again and helped him with some bids and things that finally started to get some business going for him but not anything big. He accepted that I needed time to get my feet under me before I could move.
He has not held up on some promises he made to me. Notably, he promised to stay my friend and to be there for me. He hasn’t, in fact every time something has happened he has been notably absent. I got very very sick when I did that round of chemo. I had some problems with it to understate things. One night I called him and tried to talk to him. I told him I was very sick. He said he was at the grocery store and asked me about cauliflower. I told him I was in the parking lot of the hospital about to go in to the IC for help. He suddenly told me he had to go and would call me back and hung up. He didn’t. I was nursed through that initial bad reaction to the chemo and sent home. I went and tried to call him with no luck. I toughed it out as best I could. One night I didn’t show up somewhere I was expected and a friend got worried and came to check on me. I was alright but not by much. He made sure I got taken care of and made it a point to check in with me. When The Man found out, he became quite irritated and almost jealous it seemed. He began to call this friend “Big Friend” instead of just “Friend”. It became quite clear that every time I mentioned this friend The Man became jealous. This confused me more as if he had left me, how could he be jealous?
Recently The Man got irritated about something and in a fit of anger told me to go get laid. I got upset and just left the house. The next day he was quite the jerk to me then he disappeared for the weekend as usual. The following week he didn’t come around at all and well into the next week. Then he surfaced one day. Cranky, irate, and surly. He made some smart remark about “Big Friend” that included a reference to sex. I was puzzled and made that clear. He told me that he had heard I was sleeping with “Big Friend”. After I stopped laughing I told him that this was so far from the truth as to be almost hysterical. He finally believed me and things returned to almost normal. I say almost as he still periodically makes jealous sounding statements when the subject of “Big Friend” comes up and will not talk about him or acknowledge he exists.
One day he defended something by “I am your friend and being really nice and understanding with you. I promptly made a big deal about how he had NOT been there for me and how he HAS not been at all understanding or done any of the things he said he would. He was very upset at first but then called me later and said I was absolutely right and he apologized. He made what seemed a sincere effort to try to be better. Things finally began to pan out with the contract bids I had helped with and he got what looked like a potentially huge contract out of one.
I went out of town and upon my return he was again cranky, irate, and surly. Finally I got it out of him that he heard “about my trip”. I knew instantly but ignored the comment but made it clear with a few well chosen trip stories that “Big Friend” had not been involved in my trip and things calmed down again. But he again stopped making an effort to “be there” for me like he had promised. Just last night, I came rushing through the house after work. I was meeting an internet friend for the first time and was running late. As I pulled in the drive I saw The Man’s truck. I parked and rushed in. I said hi as I passed him, I fed the dog, and asked him to make sure she went out before he left. As I headed for the door he asked where I was going. Knowing that mentioning meeting an internet friend would spawn a fight since he disapproves of the blog media, I said the fateful shortcut words, “I have a date”. I trotted out the door and forgot about it.
When I arrived home later, I noticed I had e-mail. I opened it and it was from The Man. It was a list of things he wanted done and wanted done now. It was short, snappish, and not very nice in fact it was pretty horrible. He complained I had not done something the weekend before which was true because I had been sick in bed all weekend which he knew but he was angry anyway. He threatened to make me move even though I am still not yet able to. He questioned if I was even really sick or faking it on order to take advantage of him. I was upset by the nasty tone of the e-mail but sucked it up and replied to each question as if they had been nicely asked and then I went to bed. My phone rang shortly after and it was a friend asking about my day. I lost it and spent the evening crying and talking to him about The Man. I finally fell asleep exhausted and slept for about an hour before waking and having to go to work. I cried all the way to work before getting myself under control.
I came home tonight and rushed around to get ready for a meeting. As I left the house, he was blocking the drive. I asked him to move so I could get out. As he walked to his truck he asked me over his shoulder “so how was your DATE?” in a rude tone. I shrugged and mumbled something as I got in the car and took off. I got back from my meeting a mere 45 minutes later to find three e-mails in my in box. They were all from him ranting about how he lost that big contract today. I can’t help but wonder now.
I find it interesting how when he was loving and kind and with me things were great for him. When he left under such horrible conditions, things went south for him in a big way. As he made an effort to make things right and do what he promised things came around again. Then when he STOPS things go south again….
I think karma is in action, what do you think?.
One of the things I am a firm believer in is karma. I have talked about it before on more than one occasion. On this occasion it is a very specific instance and one about which I am curious to know other opinions.
Um the scary illness part. Many of you were around back on that fateful day in June last year and others of you read about it. For summary and those who weren’t here.
On June 6th last year I woke after a few very restless hours sleep. I was seriously disturbed. I was not sure why but I was certain that something was about to go very wrong. As was our way back then, I woke The Man and he jumped in the shower. He was always concerned with my sleep habits so insisted that I always stayed in bed until he was ready to leave. This never flew. I hopped out of bed, made coffee, got things ready for the day, and then hopped back in bed. I lay there trying to get a handle on the feeling I was having and couldn’t. The Man finished his shower and got dressed. He came and sat the edge of the bed and same as every morning I wrapped myself around him and across his lap for a hug. We kissed and cuddled there for a few minutes and then he had to leave. He went to the kitchen and got his coffee then headed for the door. Unable to stand it anymore, I dove out of bed and chased him to the door. I stopped him and hugged him again. With a few more kisses I urged him to be very careful and watched as he walked across the yard to his truck. I stood there uneasy and waved as he pulled out of the drive. I tried to put my concerns out of my mind and get on with my own day. I didn’t have much to do those days as I was still trying to get my leg to work so I could go back to work outside the house. I was just about to get in the shower when I heard my cell phone ring. I picked it up and saw that it was one of The Man’s employees. This usually meant a parts run for me but not today. As I answered the phone with a hello I was greeted with those words that would change my life forever.
“The Man is dead”.
A long story ensues here but as you probably all know by now he was only mostly dead. I prayed as I rushed to the hospital. I prayed as I held on to him for dear life. I prayed as I followed the ambulance that moved him from one hospital to another. I sat there alone in the ICU as I prayed one more time for guidance on the crucial question. You see The Man had always told me he had a living will. He never wanted to be kept alive on life support and yet here we were. The hospital told me he wasn’t going to make it. They told me he might be a vegetable the rest of his life on that damn machine that still to this day makes its erratic clicks, hums, and whistles in my nightmares. The last prayer I made before I gave the OK included a little bit extra beyond the please let him live I had been praying all day and night. There were the added thoughts of I am already sick, If you have to take someone please take me and let him live. Then I gave the Ok and they turned it off. There were a few heartbreaking seconds before he heaved up off the bed and began to breathe on his own. He had done it, he beat the death sentence.
Why is that important? It was while driving him around during his recovery that I began to have trouble seeing. I started to see what I describe as halos. I have always seen auras so don’t be confused. I mean that light began to break up into orb light halos. Polarized sunglasses became a necessity. Driving at night meant trying to avoid traffic to avoid the headaches.
Once The Man was stable I scheduled a physical just to be sure since MS has a symptom of visual disturbances. My doctor started testing that would eventually lead to the discovery of Maxwell. My second “terminal” issue. People often comment on my calm acceptance of this diagnosis. This is why, it is the price I paid to save the life of the man I love and it is worth every bit of price paid even today.
The karma issue comes in next. The Man eventually recovered. He took this illness almost eerily in stride, in fact he ignored it for the most part. He would become irate if you mentioned it. As I got sicker, he got better. He would eventually leave me. There were a whole lot of things that happened in that leaving. None of them were good for me. In short I was unemployed, dying, and he wanted the house which meant I would have to move elsewhere. Shortly thereafter things began to go badly for The Man. He developed an illness of his own, he lost a massive contract that crippled his business, and a variety of other things all bad. One night I mentioned to him that he seemed to have acquired some bad karma. He doesn’t believe in karma and was annoyed I would suggest such a thing. It has persisted over the months. I finally got a job and started working again and helped him with some bids and things that finally started to get some business going for him but not anything big. He accepted that I needed time to get my feet under me before I could move.
He has not held up on some promises he made to me. Notably, he promised to stay my friend and to be there for me. He hasn’t, in fact every time something has happened he has been notably absent. I got very very sick when I did that round of chemo. I had some problems with it to understate things. One night I called him and tried to talk to him. I told him I was very sick. He said he was at the grocery store and asked me about cauliflower. I told him I was in the parking lot of the hospital about to go in to the IC for help. He suddenly told me he had to go and would call me back and hung up. He didn’t. I was nursed through that initial bad reaction to the chemo and sent home. I went and tried to call him with no luck. I toughed it out as best I could. One night I didn’t show up somewhere I was expected and a friend got worried and came to check on me. I was alright but not by much. He made sure I got taken care of and made it a point to check in with me. When The Man found out, he became quite irritated and almost jealous it seemed. He began to call this friend “Big Friend” instead of just “Friend”. It became quite clear that every time I mentioned this friend The Man became jealous. This confused me more as if he had left me, how could he be jealous?
Recently The Man got irritated about something and in a fit of anger told me to go get laid. I got upset and just left the house. The next day he was quite the jerk to me then he disappeared for the weekend as usual. The following week he didn’t come around at all and well into the next week. Then he surfaced one day. Cranky, irate, and surly. He made some smart remark about “Big Friend” that included a reference to sex. I was puzzled and made that clear. He told me that he had heard I was sleeping with “Big Friend”. After I stopped laughing I told him that this was so far from the truth as to be almost hysterical. He finally believed me and things returned to almost normal. I say almost as he still periodically makes jealous sounding statements when the subject of “Big Friend” comes up and will not talk about him or acknowledge he exists.
One day he defended something by “I am your friend and being really nice and understanding with you. I promptly made a big deal about how he had NOT been there for me and how he HAS not been at all understanding or done any of the things he said he would. He was very upset at first but then called me later and said I was absolutely right and he apologized. He made what seemed a sincere effort to try to be better. Things finally began to pan out with the contract bids I had helped with and he got what looked like a potentially huge contract out of one.
I went out of town and upon my return he was again cranky, irate, and surly. Finally I got it out of him that he heard “about my trip”. I knew instantly but ignored the comment but made it clear with a few well chosen trip stories that “Big Friend” had not been involved in my trip and things calmed down again. But he again stopped making an effort to “be there” for me like he had promised. Just last night, I came rushing through the house after work. I was meeting an internet friend for the first time and was running late. As I pulled in the drive I saw The Man’s truck. I parked and rushed in. I said hi as I passed him, I fed the dog, and asked him to make sure she went out before he left. As I headed for the door he asked where I was going. Knowing that mentioning meeting an internet friend would spawn a fight since he disapproves of the blog media, I said the fateful shortcut words, “I have a date”. I trotted out the door and forgot about it.
When I arrived home later, I noticed I had e-mail. I opened it and it was from The Man. It was a list of things he wanted done and wanted done now. It was short, snappish, and not very nice in fact it was pretty horrible. He complained I had not done something the weekend before which was true because I had been sick in bed all weekend which he knew but he was angry anyway. He threatened to make me move even though I am still not yet able to. He questioned if I was even really sick or faking it on order to take advantage of him. I was upset by the nasty tone of the e-mail but sucked it up and replied to each question as if they had been nicely asked and then I went to bed. My phone rang shortly after and it was a friend asking about my day. I lost it and spent the evening crying and talking to him about The Man. I finally fell asleep exhausted and slept for about an hour before waking and having to go to work. I cried all the way to work before getting myself under control.
I came home tonight and rushed around to get ready for a meeting. As I left the house, he was blocking the drive. I asked him to move so I could get out. As he walked to his truck he asked me over his shoulder “so how was your DATE?” in a rude tone. I shrugged and mumbled something as I got in the car and took off. I got back from my meeting a mere 45 minutes later to find three e-mails in my in box. They were all from him ranting about how he lost that big contract today. I can’t help but wonder now.
I find it interesting how when he was loving and kind and with me things were great for him. When he left under such horrible conditions, things went south for him in a big way. As he made an effort to make things right and do what he promised things came around again. Then when he STOPS things go south again….
I think karma is in action, what do you think?.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Defunkified for July 10, 2007
Yesterday while I was still deep in my funk, Haley pointed out the number of words in her tag cloud that she used MOST often and how some of them had serendipitous and entertaining connections. I had it in my head that I should take a look at my own tag cloud. I got as far as copying them down before the mood left.
I didn’t blog my original blog yesterday, I wrote some nastiness that hopefully will NEVER leave my e-mail, and failed yet again to follow through on a promise. Then today, Haley (dang her and her like-mindedness) blogs about the effects of procrastination…..
Meh, trapped, hoist on me own petard, and forced to walk me own dern plank…. Fine, finkle finger of fate….. Here, happy now?
These are the 40 items in MY Tag Cloud that get used the most often and are therefore in large type…. I am going to expand a bit on them in much the manner that I do with my friends list… because, well, it is my blog and I can do what I want to in it.
alien: How can I not spend a fair amount of time on these guys, they are my two closest friends and a huge part of my life.
andy_walo: What can I say, give credit where credit is due, this guy is a fabulous musician.
bands: Yeah well, I love live music. I try to encourage it where I can.
california: It is my home, I can’t imagine ever living elsewhere again…but am sure I will.
challenge: I have a lot of this in my life. I blog it for “posterity” in case my family ever wants to know and to hopefully inspire others….also used for those “writing challenges”.
cheese: Some days, you just need to have cheese. You can’t always be all serious and stuff.
date: I find a number of things are date related…some are even interesting.
death: Yeah well it IS the final outcome of life. It will happen to us all eventually.
Dog: I love my dog, she loves me back.
family: You can’t choose them, you have to go with what you got, or make your own…I do both.
friends: These you can chose…and some of mine make the jump to the previous tag.
happiness: Some days it is more elusive than others but it is the second strongest emotion in my arsenal.
hermosabeach: My spiritual home.
history: I have NO clue how this got to be such a big category…. I am TERRIBLE with history.
humor: yeah well, it keeps me going. You HAVE TO have a sense of humor in this life… in order to keep your happiness alive…
illness: See Aliens.
injury: It happens, it took a large chunk of my life….it gets written about.
jimmy_buffett: Oh man, this guy has the BEST lyric base. I can always find something to suit my mood. He has been one of my favorite musicians at every stage of my life.
life: Life is what happens while you are busy making plans…don’t let it get away from you… it is all well and good to plan for tomorrow as long as you still LIVE today you only get one shot at today.
love: It is a huge part of life. It is also a huge part of MY life.
me: It is MY blog, generally things here tend to reflect that…sorry if it is selfish.
music: There it is again…you would think it was important to me or something.
opinions: I have them and I am NOT afraid to use them.
perception: I have a very weird point of view. I am aware of it. Sometimes it gets away from me. I point it out sometimes.
pictures: I LOVE PICTURES! They are like little chunks of time saved forever!
quotes: I use a few I guess. Many people inspire me with their words.
sad: It happens, I try to keep it to a minimum but you need some to balance out your life.
self-belief: I have a hard time believing in myself sometimes. It comes out here…
self-image: Goes right along with the previous one. I simply can NOT see myself the same way you guys claim to.
series: I have written a few…they get upgraded automatically because well by definition…there is more than one...der.
sister: I have a few. I talk about one more than the others.
soul: I believe firmly in the power of it…
tag: I get tagged from time to time. I don’t like to do them because they get out of hand fast….but once in a while there is a good one…
theman: Yeah well…what can I say, I love the guy.
unfiltered: a recent addition that seems to be getting a lot of use….it means I tried to be brutally honest and not filter.
weather: It is a hot topic I tell ya.
weatherwithyou: It was a series….it is also a fantastic Jimmy Buffett CD.
weird: By my very nature, I find a lot of things weird, including most often, myself.
work: It takes up a large chunk of my every single day, it ends up getting written about.
writing: It is WHAT I do after all…first and foremost it is ME.
As for that promise mentioned up there, since it coincidentally matches the tags I will include it here: A while back I was given a gift from a buddy. My buddy, who goes by the name of Dick Deluxe gave me a copy of his CD ,Don't Borax the Borax Man. I told him I would give it a listen and tell him honestly what I thought of it.
I listened almost immediately and have not had a chance to talk to him since to tell him what I think of it. I like it. It is not my “normal style” of music (as if I have one) but it fits my “if it has a beat and you can sing to it” criteria so it passes. I could not POSSIBLY even begin to describe the type of music. Even HE can’t really describe it and says: “I'm describing as alt country, Americana, alt blues and country soul. What do I know?” As for ME I am going to simply describe it as “good” and tell you to go listen for yourself. Dick, buddy, if you are reading this….thanks for the CD, it gets a fair amount of airtime and a thumbs up from me.
I didn’t blog my original blog yesterday, I wrote some nastiness that hopefully will NEVER leave my e-mail, and failed yet again to follow through on a promise. Then today, Haley (dang her and her like-mindedness) blogs about the effects of procrastination…..
Meh, trapped, hoist on me own petard, and forced to walk me own dern plank…. Fine, finkle finger of fate….. Here, happy now?
These are the 40 items in MY Tag Cloud that get used the most often and are therefore in large type…. I am going to expand a bit on them in much the manner that I do with my friends list… because, well, it is my blog and I can do what I want to in it.
alien: How can I not spend a fair amount of time on these guys, they are my two closest friends and a huge part of my life.
andy_walo: What can I say, give credit where credit is due, this guy is a fabulous musician.
bands: Yeah well, I love live music. I try to encourage it where I can.
california: It is my home, I can’t imagine ever living elsewhere again…but am sure I will.
challenge: I have a lot of this in my life. I blog it for “posterity” in case my family ever wants to know and to hopefully inspire others….also used for those “writing challenges”.
cheese: Some days, you just need to have cheese. You can’t always be all serious and stuff.
date: I find a number of things are date related…some are even interesting.
death: Yeah well it IS the final outcome of life. It will happen to us all eventually.
Dog: I love my dog, she loves me back.
family: You can’t choose them, you have to go with what you got, or make your own…I do both.
friends: These you can chose…and some of mine make the jump to the previous tag.
happiness: Some days it is more elusive than others but it is the second strongest emotion in my arsenal.
hermosabeach: My spiritual home.
history: I have NO clue how this got to be such a big category…. I am TERRIBLE with history.
humor: yeah well, it keeps me going. You HAVE TO have a sense of humor in this life… in order to keep your happiness alive…
illness: See Aliens.
injury: It happens, it took a large chunk of my life….it gets written about.
jimmy_buffett: Oh man, this guy has the BEST lyric base. I can always find something to suit my mood. He has been one of my favorite musicians at every stage of my life.
life: Life is what happens while you are busy making plans…don’t let it get away from you… it is all well and good to plan for tomorrow as long as you still LIVE today you only get one shot at today.
love: It is a huge part of life. It is also a huge part of MY life.
me: It is MY blog, generally things here tend to reflect that…sorry if it is selfish.
music: There it is again…you would think it was important to me or something.
opinions: I have them and I am NOT afraid to use them.
perception: I have a very weird point of view. I am aware of it. Sometimes it gets away from me. I point it out sometimes.
pictures: I LOVE PICTURES! They are like little chunks of time saved forever!
quotes: I use a few I guess. Many people inspire me with their words.
sad: It happens, I try to keep it to a minimum but you need some to balance out your life.
self-belief: I have a hard time believing in myself sometimes. It comes out here…
self-image: Goes right along with the previous one. I simply can NOT see myself the same way you guys claim to.
series: I have written a few…they get upgraded automatically because well by definition…there is more than one...der.
sister: I have a few. I talk about one more than the others.
soul: I believe firmly in the power of it…
tag: I get tagged from time to time. I don’t like to do them because they get out of hand fast….but once in a while there is a good one…
theman: Yeah well…what can I say, I love the guy.
unfiltered: a recent addition that seems to be getting a lot of use….it means I tried to be brutally honest and not filter.
weather: It is a hot topic I tell ya.
weatherwithyou: It was a series….it is also a fantastic Jimmy Buffett CD.
weird: By my very nature, I find a lot of things weird, including most often, myself.
work: It takes up a large chunk of my every single day, it ends up getting written about.
writing: It is WHAT I do after all…first and foremost it is ME.
As for that promise mentioned up there, since it coincidentally matches the tags I will include it here: A while back I was given a gift from a buddy. My buddy, who goes by the name of Dick Deluxe gave me a copy of his CD ,Don't Borax the Borax Man. I told him I would give it a listen and tell him honestly what I thought of it.
I listened almost immediately and have not had a chance to talk to him since to tell him what I think of it. I like it. It is not my “normal style” of music (as if I have one) but it fits my “if it has a beat and you can sing to it” criteria so it passes. I could not POSSIBLY even begin to describe the type of music. Even HE can’t really describe it and says: “I'm describing as alt country, Americana, alt blues and country soul. What do I know?” As for ME I am going to simply describe it as “good” and tell you to go listen for yourself. Dick, buddy, if you are reading this….thanks for the CD, it gets a fair amount of airtime and a thumbs up from me.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Drugs for June 23, 2007
Today is one of those days that poets and songwriters use for inspiration. It is a perfect California day. It is sunny and warm and a gentle breeze off the ocean stirs the air and lifts my hair ever so gently to tousle it around my face. Perfect in fact. One could not ask for a more perfect day.
I think perhaps today is also indicative of my own personal weather. I have talked incessantly about ones own personal weather and how you take it with you everywhere you go.
Jimmy Buffett says it best in “Weather with you”
Walking 'round the room singing Stormy Weather
At Fifty Seven Mount Pleasant Street
Well, it's the same room but everything's different
You can fight the sleep but not the dream
Things ain't cookin' in my kitchen
Strange affliction wash over me
Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire
Couldn't conquer the blue sky
Well there's a small boat made of china
It's going nowhere on the mantle piece
Well do I lie like a lounge room lizard
Or do I sing like a bird released
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather, the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather, the weather with you
My own personal weather seems to be changing again. It has absolutely nothing to do with things going on around me. I have no new news on the Aliens. I have no exciting developments in my life in any aspect. I am still struggling with the drug treatment and its side effects. I am still struggling to find my “worth” and value. I still have issues from out side interferences (and oddly yet again today after having my life messed with once again…
What is changing is deeper than all this crap though. What is changing is that personal weather. The ebb and flow of my spiritual weather has made its way back towards high tide….or at least away from the record low tide it has been residing at.
I have been feeling, well, happy lately. I have no particular reason to be happy, but I am just feeling it. I am sure a lot of it has to do with a large infusion of love and affection from my friends. I am sure that a lot of it has to do with a lot of things. It is a hard road for a little bit of happy to travel to get past all the ick that seems to clog the roads these days….but that little bit of happiness has kicked in the four wheel drive and is making serious tracks these days.
I am more than a little sure that a lot of this has to do with music. Everything in my life has to do with music. My life has its own personal soundtrack and it drives my moods.
I have mentioned being musically moody before. It is not just that the music I chose is directed by my current mood. It is not just that HOW I hear a song is driven by my mood. It is more about how music can DRIVE my mood. Well maybe not my actual mood but how it can drive something else.
No matter what kind of mood I am in music plays a part. Most recently I have been spending a lot of time inside my head doing battle with the aliens. I have been fighting turf wars daily struggling to hold on to as much real estate in my head as I can. There are simply too many living in my head. Like all good tenement buildings this means it is loud, crowded, and messy. There is seldom any peace and finding privacy for anytime is neigh on impossible. I need a vacation from this craziness. How on earth can anyone be expected to function with all this noise? How can one sleep when the building is never quiet? The answer to that, at least for me, is music. Music is my vacation. I find peace in it.
This effect is amplified with LIVE music and more so with GOOD live music. I show up and the voices in my head are chattering like old ladies at the bingo parlor. They nag about what I should be doing instead, they harp on the rest I am missing, they winge about time wasted, and all manner of things that simply must be paid attention to. The music starts and I find myself shushing them. They are reluctant at first. Then slowly I find myself listening to them with half an ear.
As the music works its magic I find myself concentrating more on the feelings if arouses in me and less on those voices. The music finds its way into my blood and is flowing through out my body like a drug. I feel it first in my extremities. It is slow to be recognized but then from somewhere else in my head my subconscious notices a finger tapping on the table in time to the music. Slowly the conscious mind recognizes it as mine. Then the finger tapping becomes a hand moving in time to the beat. As the drug continues to take hold of me I soon realize that my foot is now moving. Intermittantly at first it taps along with the music. Then it becomes more constant. A movement not to be denied, it switches from one foot to the other and back then to both. I feel the effects more strongly now. My hands and feet simply unable to be still as though shot with a massive dose of adrenaline. My brain is slow to recognize that I am now on my feet. Dancing along to the music. Once it does it also recognizes that the voices have finally shut up and a smile crosses my face.
The effect of the drug called music is slow to wear off. I carry it with me the next day and longer depending on the quality of it. The various tenants in my head lay spilled around the floor doped almost catatonic, quiet. Music is not only a drug for me it is one that builds up in my blood. It is the drug that is for now turning my weather sunny again…..on that note… it is a two-fer night tonight (on a three-fer weekend) so I am off to part one of two of Blues night…singing like a bird released…..
Today is one of those days that poets and songwriters use for inspiration. It is a perfect California day. It is sunny and warm and a gentle breeze off the ocean stirs the air and lifts my hair ever so gently to tousle it around my face. Perfect in fact. One could not ask for a more perfect day.
I think perhaps today is also indicative of my own personal weather. I have talked incessantly about ones own personal weather and how you take it with you everywhere you go.
Jimmy Buffett says it best in “Weather with you”
Walking 'round the room singing Stormy Weather
At Fifty Seven Mount Pleasant Street
Well, it's the same room but everything's different
You can fight the sleep but not the dream
Things ain't cookin' in my kitchen
Strange affliction wash over me
Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire
Couldn't conquer the blue sky
Well there's a small boat made of china
It's going nowhere on the mantle piece
Well do I lie like a lounge room lizard
Or do I sing like a bird released
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather, the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go, you always take the weather take the weather, the weather with you
My own personal weather seems to be changing again. It has absolutely nothing to do with things going on around me. I have no new news on the Aliens. I have no exciting developments in my life in any aspect. I am still struggling with the drug treatment and its side effects. I am still struggling to find my “worth” and value. I still have issues from out side interferences (and oddly yet again today after having my life messed with once again…
What is changing is deeper than all this crap though. What is changing is that personal weather. The ebb and flow of my spiritual weather has made its way back towards high tide….or at least away from the record low tide it has been residing at.
I have been feeling, well, happy lately. I have no particular reason to be happy, but I am just feeling it. I am sure a lot of it has to do with a large infusion of love and affection from my friends. I am sure that a lot of it has to do with a lot of things. It is a hard road for a little bit of happy to travel to get past all the ick that seems to clog the roads these days….but that little bit of happiness has kicked in the four wheel drive and is making serious tracks these days.
I am more than a little sure that a lot of this has to do with music. Everything in my life has to do with music. My life has its own personal soundtrack and it drives my moods.
I have mentioned being musically moody before. It is not just that the music I chose is directed by my current mood. It is not just that HOW I hear a song is driven by my mood. It is more about how music can DRIVE my mood. Well maybe not my actual mood but how it can drive something else.
No matter what kind of mood I am in music plays a part. Most recently I have been spending a lot of time inside my head doing battle with the aliens. I have been fighting turf wars daily struggling to hold on to as much real estate in my head as I can. There are simply too many living in my head. Like all good tenement buildings this means it is loud, crowded, and messy. There is seldom any peace and finding privacy for anytime is neigh on impossible. I need a vacation from this craziness. How on earth can anyone be expected to function with all this noise? How can one sleep when the building is never quiet? The answer to that, at least for me, is music. Music is my vacation. I find peace in it.
This effect is amplified with LIVE music and more so with GOOD live music. I show up and the voices in my head are chattering like old ladies at the bingo parlor. They nag about what I should be doing instead, they harp on the rest I am missing, they winge about time wasted, and all manner of things that simply must be paid attention to. The music starts and I find myself shushing them. They are reluctant at first. Then slowly I find myself listening to them with half an ear.
As the music works its magic I find myself concentrating more on the feelings if arouses in me and less on those voices. The music finds its way into my blood and is flowing through out my body like a drug. I feel it first in my extremities. It is slow to be recognized but then from somewhere else in my head my subconscious notices a finger tapping on the table in time to the music. Slowly the conscious mind recognizes it as mine. Then the finger tapping becomes a hand moving in time to the beat. As the drug continues to take hold of me I soon realize that my foot is now moving. Intermittantly at first it taps along with the music. Then it becomes more constant. A movement not to be denied, it switches from one foot to the other and back then to both. I feel the effects more strongly now. My hands and feet simply unable to be still as though shot with a massive dose of adrenaline. My brain is slow to recognize that I am now on my feet. Dancing along to the music. Once it does it also recognizes that the voices have finally shut up and a smile crosses my face.
The effect of the drug called music is slow to wear off. I carry it with me the next day and longer depending on the quality of it. The various tenants in my head lay spilled around the floor doped almost catatonic, quiet. Music is not only a drug for me it is one that builds up in my blood. It is the drug that is for now turning my weather sunny again…..on that note… it is a two-fer night tonight (on a three-fer weekend) so I am off to part one of two of Blues night…singing like a bird released…..
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