Monday, July 2, 2007

Running for June 30, 2007

In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
Its a death trap, its a suicide rap
We gotta get out while were young`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run
Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real
Beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys try to look so hardThe amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist
I wanna die with you wendy on the streets tonightIn an everlasting kiss
The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybodys out on the run tonight but theres no place left to hide
Together wendy well live with the sadness
Ill love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I dont know when were gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go and well walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to run
~~Bruce Springsteen Born to Run

I was never much of a Springsteen fan. I lived through that time where everyone thought the sun rose and set on his rump. I was there when every TV set had the “new” MTV blaring out his music videos practically every other song. I have to confess though that I DID have a secret affection for the song born to run. To me, it was never about the illicit love on the outskirts of town that all the girls of my age thought it was.

To me, it was more about the wind in my hair, tearing down the road as fast as the motorcycle could go, looking forward as far as my eyes could see to get the first look at what was coming up. It was about knowing that whatever THIS place held, somewhere out THERE was a place that held the answers to all my questions, was where my heart could be found, and where all my dreams would come true.

Over the years, I have come to know that this ride and this place is not so much a physical one as a mental one. We find this place in a lot of places but it is ALWAYS the mental connection that really does it for us. I had a pretty crappy week, I won’t deny it. It must have come through in more ways than I thought because again as always, my friends, stepped forward and offered me a hand up of the floor, a well timed hug, a giggle or twelve, and the peace of mind that comes from knowing you are loved. Oddly enough, I was thinking of this song today when one of my dearest friends popped it in her blast. I smiled when I clicked it and saw what it was. She would later e-mail me and tell me she had done it FOR me, with me in mind, and that she felt the same way about the song as I did.

Why was this song in my mind today? Without going into personal details it came to mind because last night I was talking to a friend when his mind went to somewhere incredibly painful. I saw the pain surface once briefly, then he got “control” again and then later it would suddenly return in a huge way. It was so sudden and so huge he simply signed off.

I wasn’t in a position to help much myself. I did what I could before my eyes gave out and I went to lay sleepless in the dark. Whether or not we, any of us not specifically my friend, admit it, holidays are extremely difficult.

For those with family there is the usual angst of preparations both physical and mental for the day. There is the build up and let down of unrealistic expectations. For those of us who may be far away from family, without any, or without specific members there is the pain of being alone or feeling alone. For many military folks, both present and past, the “military holidays” and the remembrances they bring are extremely difficult as well. For still others there is the pain of not being able to FEEL happy like they FEEL they should and this brings and added FEELING of isolation and aloneness that simply can not be eased. For me it is a combination of them all to one point or another. I find myself thinking of friends and family lost, of military friends and the sacrifices they make both mental and physical for us, and because I find that these things leave me more melancholy than feeling the urge to celebrate. For whatever reasons there may be for others, and I am certain that there are multitudes of reasons I have not listed, I know that holidays are just freakin hard.

For my part, I can no longer simply hop on that motorcycle of my youth and go screaming down the highway hair whipping in the wind chasing towards that place and away from the demons that haunt me. Instead today, for my friend, I plan to go out, put the top down on the car, and go screaming down the highway at least once. Then I will be heading for the beach where hopefully the roar of the waves will drown out the sound of my alien infested voice singing along to this song. Once completed, I plan to hit blues night in your honor, not because I actually have any desire to go today, but because you told me how you felt it made me feel. I hope that somehow, through some means, I can pass that feeling along to you. Because you mean the world to me and I want you to know that……

What the heck do I want you to know? Do I even know? Not really I guess. I think I want you to know that I am thinking of you, I want you to know that somewhere out there that place IS there. There is a place where the physical and the mental come together. In THAT place, the physical limitations of this world are gone, we are unhampered by them and more importantly all those who are lost to this world are unhampered by them as well. This place does exist. It is in our hearts, our souls, and in the spirit of our love and in that place no one or nothing is ever lost to us if we could just find it.

Because we WERE born to run…

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